


Where I Lay My Head

by parenthetical



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Het, Homesickness, M/M, Schmoop, snowglobes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-30
Updated: 2009-06-29
Packaged: 2017-10-02 10:21:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parenthetical/pseuds/parenthetical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Living in a hotel suite for nine months of the year takes a lot of getting used to, as does living so far apart from your girlfriend. Jared gets through the homesickness of his first year or two in Vancouver, and decides to make the most of things and buy himself a house. Oddly, it's only when Jensen moves in too that it really starts to feel like home. As Supernatural draws to an end, Jared finds himself obsessing about having to say goodbye to their house, until Jensen makes him realize it's not really the house that he doesn't want to say goodbye to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2009 spn_j2_bigbang challenge on LJ. The lovely sunnny created lots of [gorgeous art](http://sunnny.livejournal.com/375721.html) for this, which you can see on her LJ. Thanks to Zooey Glass and Aynslee for beta-reading and Ameripicking. &lt;333 Spoilers up to the end of season 4.

Unpacking didn't take long. Three bags held surprisingly little - two stuffed full of clothes, the third containing toiletries, a few books, some photographs, his Playstation. Jared dutifully put his clothes away, stuck the books on the shelves (they just emphasized the emptiness, but hey), and stopped dead when he found the candy Sandy had hidden in the case. There was a photo of the two of them, too, black and white in a silver frame. Jared placed it carefully on the nightstand and fell back onto the bed, pulling out his phone.

"I miss you," he told her.

"I miss you too, baby," Sandy said. It was good to hear her voice. She sounded tired, and like she was trying to sound more okay than she really was. "Tell me what the hotel's like."

Jared described every detail of his rooms so she could picture it, right down to the nondescript prints on the walls and the plant in the living room which might or might not be made of plastic. He dwelled lovingly on the shower he had every intention of trying out in the morning, telling her about the dark tiles and how she was going to look pressed up against them when she came to visit. He didn't get too carried away, though: they were both far too tired and upset. Some night soon, hell yes, but not tonight.

When they finally hung up, he lay on the bed for a while, and couldn't face getting up to switch on the lights.

* * *

The shower was every bit as awesome as it had looked the night before, and Jared gloried in the heat and steam and pressure. He jerked off slow and steady, picturing Sandy pressed up against the dark tiles, hair soaked and plastered to her skin.

There was no way he could pretend it was her hand on his dick, not even when he closed his eyes, but it was still hot and slow and _good_, and he braced himself against the tiles with one hand, imagining her caught between him and the wall, her whole body stretching up so she could kiss him. He shuddered as he came, slumping forward against the tiles, cool against his forehead.

God, he wished she was there.

He shut off the water and forced himself to climb out of the shower.

The towels were one of the advantages to staying in a hotel, Jared told himself as he dried off. Huge-ass towels, thick and soft, and by the time he got back from work, someone would have come in and left him some clean ones. There were plenty of cool things about staying in a hotel, really.

Getting dressed didn't take long, and Jared grabbed his wallet and keys and phone before slipping out the door, hearing the lock snick automatically into place.

The hotel was quiet so early: it was still more night than morning. The woman on duty at the reception desk gave him a tired, dutiful smile, and Jared struggled to muster one in return. Somehow it was the little things like that which kept reminding him how very far from home he was.

The car pulled up outside the hotel just as he reached the door, and Jared opened the door and climbed inside.

Jensen grinned at him. "Hey, man. Good to see you again."

Jared felt an answering grin spread across his own face as he pulled Jensen into a quick hug, made slightly awkward by the car jerking back into motion. "You too. How are you doing?"

"I need more coffee," Jensen said fervently, as they both settled back into their seats. "Other than that, excited about seeing how things go today, I guess. How's your hotel?"

"Fine," Jared with a shrug. "I only got in last night, so I haven't seen much of it yet, but it seems nice. Though I'm guessing I won't be spending much time there anyway."

Jensen laughed. "Yeah, safe bet."

It was good, really good, to see Jensen again. They'd hit it off while shooting the pilot, and stayed in touch with occasional text messages since, but Jared had somehow forgotten just how _easy_ it was. It was comfortable, slouching down next to Jensen and talking about his hotel and what they were expecting to be doing that day.

Maybe he already had one friend up here after all.

* * *

Their trailers turned out to be right next to each other, which was cool. Jared was already pretty sure that he and Jensen were going to get along just fine, and weren't going to need to get out of each other's space between every scene. They could hang out together, maybe set up a Playstation in his trailer.

It looked fine, as trailers went, but it was as nondescript and anonymous as the hotel room. Come to that, he was likely to be spending more time in his trailer than his hotel. But at least there was a shower and a bed where he could crash, even a space where he could hook up a tv. It would do fine.

"Looks exactly like mine," Jensen said from the doorway, knocking on the side of the doorframe. "You even gonna fit on that bed?"

"You might need to fold me in half first," Jared joked. "Nah, it should be fine." He flopped down on the bed to demonstrate. It was a tight squeeze, but he fit on it, more or less. "See?"

Jensen gave an approving nod. "We should bring some shit in tomorrow, fix 'em up a bit."

Jared shrugged. It wasn't like he had a lot of stuff in Vancouver yet, but he might as well bring a few things in and make the place livable. "Yeah, guess so."

* * *

The first day was pretty easy going, compared to what Jared knew was coming. They spent a while getting measured and trying things on in Wardrobe, and looked around the sets that were being built up. It looked pretty cool, actually. Eric gave them their copies of the script for the first episode they'd be shooting, and the three of them had an awesome chat about the direction of the show and what Eric was planning. Normally he'd be based down in L.A., but there was no way he'd been about to miss the first few days of shooting.

In between the semi-work of meetings and prep, Jared got to meet the crew. Quite a few had worked on the pilot, too, but a lot of people were new, a whirl of names and faces and jobs to remember. Jared _liked_ meeting people, and everyone he met seemed really nice, but even so, it was a bit overwhelming. Everyone was just a little too polite and getting-to-know-you awkward.

Jensen's warm smile from that morning had changed subtly, a bit more polite, a bit more impersonal. Jared didn't think anyone else noticed; he wasn't even sure that he was reading the signs correctly himself, until they finally escaped to one of the trailers for a while to run some lines and faint lines of tension faded out of Jensen's face again.

He was about to say something - ask Jensen if he was okay, if it was just the pressure of dealing with so many new people all at once getting to him too, or whether something else was wrong - but at that moment his phone beeped.

_Good luck for today, babe, hope it's going well so far! Love you, S xxx_, the text said.

Jared had to swallow hard, suddenly missing her so much it hurt. He could just imagine her in her apartment, sending the text as she sat half-dressed in her kitchen, eating breakfast. _God._

_Miss you_, he typed in quickly in reply, then took a breath and added _Going fine so far, just running lines with Jensen. Love you._

He slid his cell back into his pocket. Jensen looked up from the script he'd been studying with a little too much concentration and asked, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, fine," Jared said, trying out a grin, and letting it go when Jensen's eyes narrowed slightly. "It was Sandy wishing me luck."

Jensen nodded in sudden understanding, and didn't press any further. "You ready to try running this scene?"

Jared felt a warm rush of gratitude towards his new co-star. "Yeah, let's do this."

* * *

By the time they finished for the night, Jared was about ready to just collapse in his trailer and sleep there.

"Nah, c'mon," Jensen mumbled, touching his back and steering him towards the parking lot. "They've got a car waiting for us. We can sleep on the ride back and everything."

Jared sighed and let Jensen tug him along.

The trip back to the hotel took about an hour, and Jared probably _would _have fallen asleep if he and Jensen hadn't started talking about their first day and the couple of scenes they'd shot. They'd gone well. Really well, actually. It had taken a few takes to get back into the swing of things from the pilot, but Jared had felt himself slipping back into the skin of Sam Winchester as it all came back to him. And Jensen had been awesome. Jared had worked with good actors before, but Jensen was something else. Working with him for the next nine months or so was going to be amazing.

Jensen nudged him, and Jared realized he'd spaced out, half-asleep after all. "Hey, it's your stop."

Jared scrubbed his hands over his face and reached for the door handle. "Wow, yeah. Okay. I'll see you tomorrow, man."

"Get some sleep, Jared," Jensen told him, and raised a tired hand in salute as the car pulled away.

Jared stumbled into the hotel and took the elevator up to his floor, leaning against the mirrored wall. God, he was tired. And they hadn't even done anything major today. He hoped like hell he'd adjust to the routine fast.

He kicked off his shoes and pants, shrugging out of the rest of his clothes as he headed for bed. He hit the speed dial for Sandy before flopping down.

"Hey," he said when she picked up. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I've been lying in bed reading," Sandy said. "And even if I had dozed off, I'd still want you to wake me, you know that."

Jared smiled softly. "Yeah, I know."

"So how did it all go?" Sandy asked. "Tell me everything, I want all the details."

Jared told her all about it, leaving nothing out - the people he'd met, the meetings he'd had, the sets, the script, Jensen, the scenes they'd shot. He was tired, was vaguely aware of himself rambling off topic every once in a while, but Sandy's interest was energizing.

"Sounds like you did great," Sandy said when he'd eventually rambled to a halt. "And it sounds like you and Jensen are getting along well, too - that's awesome."

"Yeah," Jared agreed, "Jensen's cool. It'd really suck to be stuck up here with someone I didn't like. I think we're gonna get along well, though. He's a great guy. Hey, tell me about your day."

Sandy did, and Jared drank in every detail - the audition she was going to attend in a few days, the dance class she'd gone to in the afternoon, the sushi she'd had for dinner with a friend.

He sank back a little deeper into the pillows, letting her voice lull him, fill the impersonal hotel room with _home_.

* * *

Jared grabbed another cup of coffee from craft services and headed back, plopping down into his chair next to Jensen, who was sitting with his eyes closed, resting. Not that Jared blamed him. He was getting into the routine more quickly than he'd expected, but that didn't mean he was any less exhausted than he'd been at the end of the first night, because it was a _tough _routine.

He and Jensen had gotten into the habit of running lines in the car in the mornings. Jared had already come to enjoy that hour or so before the day began. They'd both still usually be yawning when he climbed in; Jared had started bringing coffee with him for them both, and the way Jensen had beamed at him the first time he'd passed across the Starbucks cup had been enough to convince him to make it a tradition.

Mostly they ran lines. Sometimes they just talked, shooting the shit, and Jared found himself telling Jensen about Sandy and his family and his dogs. Sometimes, if filming had run particularly late the night before, they dozed side-by-side, grabbing the chance of an extra hour of sleep.

Once they reached the set, they were usually busy with make-up and wardrobe for a while, and then the hard work would start. Jared had never worked on a show with such a small core cast before, and the responsibility of having to carry it was a bit overwhelming at times. But exhilarating, too, and he was proud of what they were achieving, even after just a few episodes.

Acting with Jensen was the best part. Something about him... Jensen was just _such_ a good actor that Jared could feel himself stepping it up a gear, giving it all he had. And he could feel Jensen feeding off that and doing the same thing, which was... yeah. This, that energy, was why he did this for a living. When he and Jensen were on, they were _on_, and Jared loved that feeling.

It was tough, though, physically and mentally. Since it was just the two of them, they were there all day, every day, usually until late evening, sometimes into the night. Even with the breaks while shots were set up and for meals, even with occasional naps in his trailer, Jared was exhausted, and by the time he got back to the hotel, he was ready to fall into bed, call Sandy, and sleep.

Jensen opened his eyes with a sigh, and Jared passed across his coffee. "Here."

"Thanks, man," Jensen said, and smiled at him.

* * *

Jared pulled his coat tighter around himself, leaning his head back against the back of the seat, letting the comforting hum of the engine wrap around him. "Jesus, I feel like I'm only starting to warm up again now."

Jensen hummed in acknowledgement. "That water was fucking cold."

Jared shivered slightly at the mere memory. He'd probably gotten off light, really: they'd shot his coverage first, before doing Jensen and the kid, since that was the more complicated shot, so he'd been the first back on dry land and wrapped up in blankets to warm up.

"Hey," he said, forcing his eyes open and tilting his head to the side to look at Jensen. "You did a real good job with looking after that kid today, man."

Jensen opened his eyes in something like surprise. "I was scared shitless, if you want to know. That kind of responsibility... Jesus."

"Really?" Jared said, honestly taken aback. Jensen had seemed completely calm throughout the whole thing, chatting quietly to the kid beforehand, practicing the signals for communicating with the divers with him, reminding him he could call for a break at any time. Jared had never suspected that Jensen might be worried behind that calm facade.

"He's just a kid, you know?" Jensen said. "And stuck down there under the water, _held _down, waiting - I mean, that's a serious stunt for any actor, let alone a kid."

Jared could see the tension creeping back into Jensen's shoulders and the tiny lines of his face. He closed a hand on Jensen's shoulder and left it there. "Probably easier as a kid. You know what it's like at that age - you're invincible, you don't think about the things that could go wrong. He thought it was the coolest thing ever, you heard him."

Jensen nodded, accepting the point. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Seriously," Jared said, tightening his grip on Jensen's shoulder, drawing Jensen's gaze. "Seriously, man, you did good. You did an awesome job of looking after him. It's no wonder he had a blast, you made it easy for him. Good job, man."

Jensen held his gaze for a moment, then smiled and let his eyes slip shut. Jared felt the tension leave his friend's shoulders, and let go.

"Thanks," Jensen murmured.

"Yeah," Jared said.

"You should have seen him," he told Sandy on the phone later, stretched out in bed with all the covers tucked over him, finally feeling properly warm again. "He seemed so calm when he was looking after the kid, you know? But he was really... I don't know, not nervous, just - he felt really responsible for him. Something about it really got to him."

"Sounds like it was pretty intense," Sandy said. "But it all turned out okay, right?"

"Oh, yeah," Jared said. "The kid thought it was the coolest thing ever. He was the only one who didn't even complain about how cold it was. And the director said the shot turned out great."

"Good," Sandy said. "Are you still cold?"

"I feel like I'm _finally_ starting to thaw out," Jared said.

"I wish I was there to warm you up properly," Sandy murmured, her voice changing pitch. "I'd press right up against you, run my hands all over you..."

Jared inhaled sharply at the image, suddenly wide awake. And a hell of a lot warmer than he'd been a few minutes ago. "Oh yeah? You know, my hands are still pretty cold, what do you think I should do with them?"

"I'd suck your fingers into my mouth," Sandy said. "And then make you touch me, everywhere."

"They're really cold," Jared warned her. "You'd start shivering."

"Yeah," Sandy agreed. "But not just from the cold."

_Fuck_. They hadn't done this yet. Jared had always pretty much been wiped by the time he got back to the hotel, and it was just as late where Sandy was. He'd been jerking off a lot in the shower, wondering whether Sandy was getting herself off before she went to sleep, touching herself and thinking of him, curled up in her bed. He'd been fairly certain that they'd do something like this sooner or later, and loved Sandy just a little bit more for taking the initiative.

"You in bed?" he asked, wanting to build up a picture.

"Yep," Sandy said, and laughed softly. "You gonna ask me what I'm wearing?"

Jared felt his eyebrows creep up. "Why, what are you wearing?"

"One of your t-shirts," Sandy said. "The gray one. It's huge on me, comes down to mid-thigh. But I've got it pushed up higher than that right now."

Jesus, he could just see it. Jared slid his hand down and closed it around his dick, giving it a lazy stroke. "Maybe you should push it a bit higher so I can cup your breasts, warm my hands up on them."

Sandy inhaled in his ear. "Jared..."

"Do it, Sandy," he said. "Tell me."

"Your hands are cold," she said. "But your mouth is hot. I'd make you kiss me, suck on my nipples -"

Jared let his eyes slip shut, concentrating on the image. God, yes, running his mouth over Sandy's breasts, the warm scent of her... "Hell yes. And then I'd keep moving down, kiss your hipbones, your thighs - you'd spread your legs for me, wouldn't you, baby?"

"I'd be begging you," Sandy said, her voice breathless. "Your mouth -"

"You'd be so warm there," Jared said. "Hot, and wet, and your taste when I lick you - god, I can't get enough of your taste." His hand tightened helplessly on his cock at the thought. Jesus, this was going to be over fast at this rate. It'd been too long.

"Your mouth," Sandy sighed again. He could hear her breathing stuttering in his ear.

"And then I'd roll over, pull you up on top of me," Jared said. "The way you look, Jesus, Sandy. I'd pull that t-shirt the hell off you, touch your breasts again - fuck."

Sandy gave a soft sound, almost a moan. "I'd slide down onto you, take you inside me - feel you filling me up, _Jared_ -"

"Fuck," Jared groaned, fisting his cock. He could imagine it, the way she'd look above him, the way it would feel - "God, I love being inside you - hot and wet around me, the way you move - Sandy, please -"

"Do it, Jared," Sandy ordered. "I know you're close, baby, come for me -"

_Fuck_.

Jared came all over his own chest, gasping for breath, listening to Sandy's uneven breathing as he came down. "God, Sandy," he said when he could speak again.

Sandy gave a little moan, more frustrated than hot. "Jared, I can't - I need -"

"Shh, baby, let's get you there," Jared said. "Easy, slow down, I've got you. Run one finger over your clit - just straight, no circles. Keep it slow for now, okay? I've got you, Sandy."

Sandy took a shuddering breath. "Jared..."

"I've got you," Jared promised again. "Now touch your nipples with your other hand - you know the way I want to touch them, right? With just the tips between your thumb and your index finger, rubbing back and forth - I love touching you that way, the way it makes your nipples peak -"

Sandy moaned softly again, and this time it was purely turned on, not frustrated.

"Can you feel how wet you are?" Jared asked her. "Slide a couple of fingers inside yourself - you're wet, aren't you?"

"Yes," Sandy said. "God, yes..."

"That's it," Jared said. He could still picture her, lying in bed with her phone pressed to her ear, eyes screwed shut as she touched herself and concentrated on his voice. God, he loved this girl. "Now touch your clit again, circles this time. Let yourself speed up."

He could hear her breathing faster now, hear tiny, faint noises as she got closer.

"Jared," she murmured, almost a moan. "God, Jared, I want -"

"Let it happen, baby," Jared coaxed her. "Let it happen. I'm right here - you're close now, I can tell, let your hand speed up. Come on, baby, come for me."

Sandy gasped and then went silent for a moment, only the faint sound of her body arching and twisting in the sheets on the line, and Jared grinned. "That's it, baby. So good."

"God, Jared," Sandy said, sounding slightly dazed. "God, that was - I wish you were here."

Jared swallowed hard. "Me too. I really want to hold you right now."

Sandy's breath was still hitching, and he wasn't sure that there wasn't at least a note of tears in there. "I miss you, baby," she said.

"I'm gonna come home this weekend, okay?" Jared said impulsively. "I'll book a flight first thing."

Sandy huffed a little laugh. "You sure? Can you take the time? I mean, you need to give yourself a chance to settle in up there -"

"I don't give a damn about settling in up here," Jared said. "I want to curl up in bed with you, and go to sleep with you, and wake up in your bed and show you just how I want to fuck you -"

Sandy laughed again, more clearly. "You don't need to convince me, baby. You know I'd love to spend the weekend with you."

"Okay," Jared said. "In that case, sleep well, and I'll email you my flight details in the morning, okay?"

"Okay," Sandy agreed, and her voice sounded happier, sleepier. "Sleep well, Jared. Love you."

"Love you too," Jared said, and forced himself to hit the off button.

He was exhausted, but it was only once he'd gotten up and booked flights that he was able to drop off to sleep.

* * *

His flight didn't get in until _really_ late on Friday night, and the airport was nearly empty. Jared was looking forward to dropping into a cab and shutting his eyes on the trip to Sandy's apartment, except -

\- except holy shit, she was standing there waiting for him.

Jared didn't think, just crossed the distance towards her in fewer strides than he'd thought possible. Sandy looked up as he drew close and beamed. She jumped up into his arms as he reached her, wrapping her legs around his waist, laughing as he spun her around.

"Oh god, I missed you," Jared told her, scattering kisses across her face. "I can't believe you came out here to meet me."

Sandy pulled him down for a proper kiss. "Of course I did. Had to give you a proper welcome home."

"I feel very, very welcome," Jared said, slightly breathless. "Also kinda worried we're going to get arrested for public indecency before we make it back to your place."

Sandy laughed again and reluctantly unwrapped her legs from around his waist, allowing him to set her back on her feet. "In that case, we'd better move fast."

The ride back to her apartment passed in a blur, kissing in the back seat of the cab. They stumbled into her building, barely noticed the elevator ride, and finally reached the door to Sandy's apartment. She pushed him inside, and Jared was just turning to pin her against the door when he was mowed down by two ecstatic, excited dogs, knocking him to the floor. Sadie whuffed joyously, snuffling at his face, while Harley tried to lie down on top of Jared. Jared laughed breathlessly, hugging and stroking his dogs. Oh _man_, he'd missed them, even more than he'd realized.

It was a good ten minutes before the dogs were willing to let him get up again, and Jared straightened slowly, brushing off dog hair and looking around Sandy's apartment properly for the first time -

\- and promptly forgetting all about his surroundings as he caught sight of her.

Sandy was sitting at the breakfast bar, on one of the high bar stools, and at some point while the dogs were distracting him, she'd gotten rid of the clothes she'd been wearing.

She smiled at him now, heatedly, and parted her legs, sliding one foot down the leg of the stool.

Jared crossed the room to her before he'd even realized he was moving, tilting her head up for a kiss before he dropped to his knees and pressed his mouth to her, drinking in her scent and her taste and the little noises she made, knowing he was home at last.

* * *

They only left the apartment once that weekend, and that was for Jared to swing by his place and shovel some more things into bags to take back to Vancouver with him.

His apartment already had an abandoned feel about it, though it wasn't really surprising, since the dogs were at Sandy's place and it wasn't like he was living there at the moment. Jared shoved as much as he could fit into the same three bags he'd taken on his last trip, which was a surprising amount this time, now that most of his clothes were already in Canada. He had room for more books this time, and photos. On an impulse he grabbed the weirdly shaped clock that a friend from high school had brought him back from a trip to Europe, and stuck that in too.

Sandy didn't accompany him to the airport. Without either of them discussing it, they both knew why: it was going to be hard enough saying goodbye again without having to do it in public. He hugged Sandy close, as tight as he could, and she buried her head against his chest, holding on silently.

"You should go," she said finally, pulling back, her eyes bright with unshed tears as she tried to smile up at him.

Jared swallowed hard and dipped down for a final kiss, then pulled away and left, before he couldn't.

It was late when he arrived back at the hotel in Vancouver. He stacked the new books on the shelves, put the crazy clock up next to them, and called Sandy.

"I'm back at the hotel," he said softly.

"Good," Sandy said. She sounded a little like she'd been crying not so long ago, but her voice was determinedly cheerful now. "Did you have a good flight?"

"It was okay," Jared said. "Sandy..."

"So, I was thinking I might come up next weekend," Sandy said before he could continue. "If you have time. What do you think?"

Jared swallowed. "Yeah, I'd like that. I'd like that a lot."

"Good," Sandy said. "You'd better get some sleep, baby, you've got an early start."

Jared knew she was right, even if he wanted... he just wanted. "Okay. Love you."

"Love you too," Sandy told him quietly. "Speak to you tomorrow."

Jared hung up and crawled into bed, shutting off the lights. It had been a good weekend, but Jesus, saying goodbye to her didn't get any less sucktastic.

* * *

"How was your weekend?" Jensen asked.

Jared managed a smile. "Pretty good, mostly. It was great to see Sandy."

Jensen grinned at him. "When do I finally get to meet her? She sounds like a hell of a girl."

"She is," Jared said, unable to restrain a smile, because yeah. Sandy was something else. "I think you two'll like each other. Actually, she's talking about coming up next weekend, maybe."

"Cool," Jensen said approvingly. "You want to try running some lines?"

When they arrived at set, Jared added new books to his trailer, and an extra blanket for the bed. The place was gradually starting to look more homey, with little touches here and there now of him. His magazines beside the bed, his chess set spread out on the table, his iPod next to it.

He arrived at make-up and fell into the seat next to Jensen, cracking a grin at the way Jensen's hair was sticking up as the make-up artist attacked it. "Good look on you, dude."

"You've got no room to talk, Chewie," Jensen informed him. He risked the make-up artist's wrath by sticking a foot out and gesturing with it, careful not to move his head. "Check it out."

Jared did. There was a giant tub of gummi-worms stuck on a shelf under the table. "Oh, man!" He hauled them out and stuffed two in his mouth, before holding the tub out to Jensen, only to withdraw it again when the make-up woman scowled at him. "Awesome," he said around the gummi-worms. "Dude, did you put these here?"

"I think it was the candy fairy," Jensen said seriously.

"Wow," Jared said. "Maybe we should call the Winchesters in to investigate."

Jensen opened his mouth to reply, but at that moment the make-up artist brandished a brush in his face and he closed it again hastily, holding his head very still.

Jared grinned at the tub of gummi-worms and shoveled another one into his mouth.

* * *

"So, you want to do something with me and Sandy this weekend?" Jared offered. "I'd like you two to meet."

Jensen looked at him thoughtfully. "I'd like that, yeah. But... is this her first visit up here?"

"Yeah," Jared said, losing himself for a moment in how it was going to feel to see her arriving at the airport.

Jensen chuckled, grinning widely. "Yeah, well. I won't hold it against you when you cancel, okay?"

"What?" Jared asked, pulled out of his thoughts. "No, I'm serious - we should go to that Thai place."

"Sure," Jensen agreed readily, still smiling. "Just remember what I said."

When Jared got back to his hotel on Friday night, ready to grab a quick shower and change before going to the airport to pick Sandy up, he was caught off-guard to find her lying naked on top of his bed. Caught off-guard, and really, really turned on.

"Hey, baby," Sandy said, smiling at him, slow and sexy. "Caught an earlier flight. I hope you don't mind."

"Mind?" Jared managed in a strangled tone, and then he was on the bed with her.

At some point late on Saturday, they resurfaced from each other long enough for Jared to send Jensen a text message. _Yeah, so, maybe next time?_

He could almost _hear_ Jensen's laughter in the reply. _Or the time after. Have fun, say hi to Sandy for me_.

"Jensen says hi," Jared said, switching his phone off and dropping it on the nightstand.

"I want to meet him," Sandy said, and pulled him in for a kiss. "Next time."

"Next time," Jared agreed, and after that neither of them were thinking about Jensen any more.

* * *

"Nice to finally meet you," Jensen said, grinning broadly at Sandy.

Sandy laughed and hugged him like they were old friends. "Hi, Jensen."

Jared couldn't stop the smile at the sight of the two of them together. It had taken until the time after, like Jensen had joked, but Jared was glad it had happened at last.

"So how do you put up with the snoring?" Jensen asked her on the way into the bar.

"Dude, I do not snore," Jared said indignantly.

"Our driver took the car to get checked out the other week, he thought there was something seriously wrong with the engine," Jensen said, poker-faced, then spoiled the effect by winking at Sandy.

"The snoring you get used to, eventually," Sandy said comfortingly, putting a hand on Jensen's arm. "The drooling, on the other hand..."

"Hey!" Jared protested. "I do _not_ -"

"It's like that thing where pet owners become like their pets?" Sandy said to Jensen, as if he hadn't said a word. "He can actually out-drool Sadie, it's kind of terrifying."

Jensen was laughing, that full-out, amazing laugh that Jared always tried to coax out of him, clinging to one of Jared's arms to support himself. Jared glared at him, then at Sandy, but couldn't keep it up, finally giving up and joining in their laughter.

It was a good evening, one of the best. Jensen got Sandy talking about dancing, and Jared loved how passionate she got about it, how clear it was that it meant a lot to her. He could see the respect in Jensen's face, too, and suddenly he loved both of them more than he could bear, watching them talk seriously to each other and connecting. It was like all the pieces were fitting together.

"So we should do this again next time I'm up," Sandy said at the end of the night, hugging Jensen again.

Jensen laughed and kissed her cheek, winking at Jared. "Absolutely. Next time, or the time after."

* * *

Jared loved Christmas. It was always an amazing time of year, and no matter what project he was working on, he'd always managed to make it home for Christmas. It just wouldn't be Christmas otherwise.

This year was even more special, though, after being so far away for so long. Arriving back at his parents' home, holding Sandy's hand, and his mom rushing out to pull him into her arms... Jared hugged her and didn't let go for a long time.

Two weeks off passed seemingly in a flash, and Jared enjoyed every moment, surrounded by familiar things and the people he loved. His momma's cooking, his sister's stupid jokes, Sandy's arms around him - he didn't want it to end. Except...

_Merry Xmas_, he texted Jensen from under the tree on Christmas morning.

He was surprised when the reply came almost immediately. _Merry Xmas, J. See you soon_.

Somehow, Jared found he wasn't dreading the return to Vancouver quite as much as he'd expected.

* * *

Going back was still hard, though. Jared had loved his time at home and wouldn't have changed it for the world, but it made it all the harder to come back to a deserted airport and a hotel room which seemed resoundingly empty compared to the warmth and laughter of his family's home. He put the framed family photograph that had been part of his sister's Christmas present to him on the shelf, and collapsed back on the bed, staring sightlessly up at the ceiling.

Maybe he could go back to visit at the weekend. Okay, maybe not Texas, but at least to L.A. to spend some more time with Sandy. As soon as he'd found out the shooting schedule, he'd look into flights.

His cell beeped, and Jared didn't bother to look at the screen as he clicked to open up the message.

_Hey J, hope you made it back safely. Guessing you'll be too tired to meet for a drink tonight, so see you tomorrow, OK?_

Huh. Jared felt his lips twitch into an unwilling smile. He was looking forward to seeing Jensen again, _almost_ enough to force himself off the bed and out to meet him, but the truth was, he was exhausted and down, and unlikely to be any kind of company.

_Back safe but half dead. See you tomorrow, man_, he texted back, and crawled into bed properly. It was easier to fall asleep than he'd thought.

* * *

Work was tough. They hit the ground running their first day back, and it only got more intense from there. The pressure of not knowing whether they'd be picked up for another season overshadowed everything. They were working longer hours, occasional days at weekends, and it seemed like every free moment they had, Jared was working on learning his lines and getting into Sam Winchester's head, giving it everything he'd got. When they did have an entire weekend off, Jared would fly back to L.A. to see Sandy, and even managed to snatch a weekend back in Texas with his family. The pace was starting to take a toll, but Jared reminded himself how close the end of the season now was, and forced himself to keep going.

"You okay?" Jensen asked him one evening as they waited for the next shot to be set up.

"Sure, I'm fine," Jared told him. Told himself, too, as often as he could. He was fine. Everything was fine.

He flew back to L.A. to visit Sandy that weekend, and actually fell asleep on her in the cab. Sandy woke him up for long enough to drag him up to her apartment, but he was out like a light the moment his head hit the pillows. He made it up to her the next morning, but Sandy spent the rest of the weekend watching him a little too closely, feeding him too much and coaxing him to stay in bed with her. She didn't have to say aloud that she was worried about him.

"Have you slept at all?" Jensen asked when he climbed into the car on Monday morning.

"Course I have," Jared told him, raising his coffee to his mouth -

\- only to have it taken away from him. Jared stared at Jensen in disbelief. "You did not just do that. You did not just take my _coffee_ away from me, Jensen."

Jensen didn't look away from him, didn't back down. "We've got an hour before we reach the set. You should sleep."

Jared wanted to argue, so it wasn't entirely clear to him how he ended up dozing, slouched so his head rested against Jensen's shoulder.

* * *

It was a tough day, even with the extra hour's sleep. Jared felt slow with tiredness, like it was an effort even to sit around waiting for scenes to be set up. He pulled it together when the cameras were running, forced himself into Sam Winchester's bones and gave it everything he had, but when the scenes were over, he just felt... nothing.

Jensen didn't say anything, but he was right there, the whole day, and somehow if it looked like anyone was going to come and talk to Jared, Jensen was talking first, distracting them. Jared was _almost_ sure it wasn't a coincidence, but he was too tired to think too much about it.

"Go ahead, I'll be right there," Jensen told him when they were finally free for the day. Night. Whatever.

"Sure," Jared said, and headed for the car.

He was half-asleep by the time Jensen climbed in beside him ten minutes later. "Okay, we're good to go," Jensen told the driver, his voice hushed.

"Jen?" Jared slurred.

"Go back to sleep," Jensen told him. "I'll wake you when we get there."

Jared was a bit hazy when Jensen finally elbowed him, but after a moment or two he figured out that something was weird. Jensen was getting out _with_ him, for one thing. And this... huh. This wasnt his hotel.

"What?" he managed.

Jensen laughed. "I'm making you dinner. C'mon, you can crash while it's cooking."

It didn't make any sense, but Jared was too tired to try to figure it out. He followed Jensen obediently into the elevator and down the hallway.

"Here," Jensen said, unlocking a door and letting Jared past him. He gave Jared a little push towards the sofa, clearing a couple of magazines and scripts off it. "I'll wake you when the food's ready."

Jared sat down obediently, and found his eyes slipping shut before he knew what was happening. He drifted, not quite awake, not quite asleep, vaguely aware of the clattering of dishes in the kitchenette and the sound of what he finally realized was Jensen singing quietly. Huh. He hadn't known Jensen could sing.

He forced his eyes open properly, rubbing at them to wake himself up, and took in his surroundings more.

Jensen's suite seemed much like his in terms of size and even layout - a bedroom, bathroom, a small living room area and open-plan kitchenette. It felt different, though. Jared looked around again.

The coffee table beside the sofa had some weird kind of lamp on it that Jared was willing to bet didn't belong to the hotel, plus a couple of magazines. The shelves were full of books and dvds and video games, in some cases stacked shambolically on top of each other. There were several framed photos sitting on the shelves too, in front of the books and other crap; Jared stood to get a better look, and grinned at the sight of what clearly had to be Jensen's family. He wondered if their sisters would get along. Maybe they'd find out, someday.

Some of the other photos were of Jensen's friends, and Jared knew most of the faces. He paused at the end of the row, caught by surprise.

He didn't know who had taken the photo, but there he was, grinning out of it, one arm around Sandy and the other around Jensen. They all looked happy. It was weird how old Jared felt, looking at it.

But the weirdest thing on the shelves had to be the snowglobes. There had to be at least half a dozen of them: small, tacky-looking things. Jared stared at them for a long moment, then wandered over to the kitchenette.

"You embracing your inner twelve-year-old girl or what?"

Jensen looked round, blinking at him. "What?"

Jared jerked his head in the direction of the shelves. "The snowglobes. What's up with _that_, man?"

Jensen laughed. "My sister gives me them, mostly - souvenirs whenever she goes on a trip. My mom, sometimes, too."

Jared wasn't really sure what to say to that. Okay, he got the whole thing of not throwing away gifts people gave you, and having things around you that reminded you of your loved ones, but... tacky snowglobes cluttering up the shelves? Seriously?

"Okay, dinner's ready," Jensen said. "Grab those plates, will you?"

It was nothing fancy, just pasta and some kind of sauce, but Jared suddenly discovered his appetite, starving in a way he hadn't been all day, and he wolfed down two helpings before he even slowed down.

"Damn, that was good," he said finally, settling back in his chair. "Thanks, man."

Jensen shrugged and passed him another beer. "Anytime. Hey, stay here tonight, okay? You can crash on the couch."

Jared didn't argue: he couldn't really be bothered with grabbing a cab back at this time of night. "Yeah, okay, thanks." He took another swig of his beer. Proper Texan beer, like he hadn't had since he'd come to Vancouver. "I can't believe you have real beer."

Jensen snorted. "I've been living up here for three or four years now, Jared. I learned where to find the real kind a while back."

Huh, Jared thought, and looked at him. "Huh," he said aloud. "I kinda forgot you've been up here so long."

"Yeah," Jensen said, fiddling with the label on his beer bottle. "All settled in now. Was rough the first year or two, but..." He shrugged. "Got to know the place, made friends up here, figured out where to buy real beer..." He grinned at Jared. "You get used to it, you know?"

Jared nodded slowly. "That why you brought me here tonight? To tell me that?"

"Nah," Jensen said easily. "I just couldn't wake you up when we got to your stop, and I figured if I was going to drag your ass up any stairs, I wanted to at least be able to sleep in my own bed afterwards."

Jared laughed at him. "Wow, thanks."

Jensen grinned at him for a moment, then asked casually, "You got plans for this weekend yet?"

"Not really," Jared said. "Was thinking of maybe flying down to L.A., but it's not definite."

Jensen nodded slowly. "Can I offer some advice without you taking it the wrong way?"

Jared took in his expression. There were little lines deepening at the sides of Jensen's eyes. Concern, Jared realized in surprise. Concern for him.

They'd known each other almost ten months now, been working together for the past eight, had spent coming up on twenty hours a day with each other five days a week in that time. They hadn't hung out together outside of work all that much, but only because they didn't _have_ much time outside of work. They'd hit it off from the start, and now... Jensen had become a friend, Jared realized. A good friend.

"I'm not going to take offense, Jensen," Jared said, and nudged his leg under the table.

Jensen grinned at that, and kicked him in return. "Well, I was thinking you should consider staying in Vancouver this weekend."

Jared frowned, in confusion rather than annoyance.

"I mean, you can tell me to butt out," Jensen added hastily. "It's your life, you can do whatever you want to do. But you seem really tired at the moment, and traveling back and forth most weekends, on top of the hours we work... It gets to you. I mean, I did that too, my first year in Vancouver, and damn near ended up having a nervous breakdown toward the end, until I realized..." He trailed off, studying his beer bottle again.

"Realized what?" Jared asked, too curious to think beyond that.

"Realized this was where I was living," Jensen said, looking up at him. "It was funny, because of course I knew that, but... in my head, home was still Texas, or at least L.A., and I was just in Vancouver on some kind of long-ass business trip, you know? And then I realized that I'd never given myself a chance to get to know the place or spend time there or just chill the hell out. The only thing I was doing here was working."

Jared looked down at his beer bottle. "You think that's what I'm doing?"

He sensed more than saw Jensen's shrug. "Is it?"

Jared thought about it. If he was honest with himself... "I guess. I mean, I like it here fine, but... it's not home." He looked up at Jensen, suddenly curious. "Do you think of it as home now?"

"Texas'll always be home," Jensen said. "And I've got a place in L.A., though... by now it's more a place to stay, rather than home. But yeah, this is home now too." He waved vaguely at his surroundings. "Why d'you think I've stuck with this hotel when I could stay at yours and sleep an extra twenty minutes each morning? This is where they put me up when I started on Dark Angel, and by now I know the people who work here and the neighborhood and everything."

Huh. Jared had always vaguely wondered, somewhere in the back of his mind, why he and Jensen were in different hotels. He guessed it made sense, though that answer would never have occurred to him. "So you're saying I should stay here at weekends more often?" he asked.

Jensen shrugged. "All I'm saying is I found it easier to cope once I stopped living out of a suitcase and started making more of being here. More time to sleep, more of a chance to get to know the place... But I know you've got Sandy back in L.A., so I get it, I do. What worked for me might not be what works for you."

"I'll think about it," Jared said sincerely. "Thanks, man."

Jensen smiled, then cleared his throat and stood up. "I'll dig out the spare blankets."

Not long after, Jared found himself ensconced on Jensen's couch. It wasn't the _most_ comfortable couch he'd ever slept on, but it wasn't the worst, either. And tired as he was, Jared was pretty sure he'd be out like a light in about five minutes flat.

"Maybe I just need a snowglobe or two," he said.

Jensen popped his head back in from the bedroom. "What?"

"Snowglobes," Jared said, nodding towards the shelves. "You know. To make my place seem more homey, or whatever. Maybe that's the secret."

"Maybe," Jensen agreed readily. "After all, god knows you're far more in touch with your inner twelve-year-old girl than I am."

Jared laughed, warm and comfortable and sleepy.

"See you in the morning," Jensen said, and switched off the lights.

* * *

The director turned them loose early on Friday, earlier than they'd finished in a while. Jared was a bit surprised, but not inclined to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"So what are you planning for this weekend?" he asked Jensen on the ride back to their hotels.

"Sleep," Jensen said fervently. "Watch the game. Nothing too special. How about you?"

"Sleeping in too, I guess," Jared said. "I decided to stick around here this weekend, take things easy."

Jensen looked at him, then nodded. "You feel like coming over for the game, in that case?"

Jared grinned. "I'll bring the beer."

Things got a little easier after that. Jared still went to L.A. and visited Sandy every few weekends, and she usually came up at least once a month, but some weekends he just slept and hung out. It helped more than he'd expected. And it turned out Vancouver wasn't such a bad place to hang out, especially with Jensen.

At the end of the second weekend they spent mostly hanging out together, Jensen passed him a small plastic bag. "Here."

Jared frowned at it. "What's this?" He looked inside. There was an extremely tacky snowglobe with the Vancouver skyline in it. "What the hell, dude?"

Jensen laughed at his expression. "Call it a late hotel-warming gift."

It was ugly as hell, but for some reason Jared placed it on the shelf next to the photograph his sister had given him for Christmas. Maybe just because it made him laugh a little every time he caught sight of it.


	2. Chapter 2

Jensen was frowning as he read the new script. "Looks like we've got a real chick-flick moment this time."

"Yeah?" Jared said, and flicked forward until he found it. "Wow."

If anything, Jensen's frown intensified. "Yeah."

Jared took a closer look at him. It wasn't that they had a problem with the chick-flick moments or the family drama in general. Those scenes tended to be pretty intense, but Jared loved the energy of doing them with Jensen, even the most understated ones. He liked all their scenes together - the fun, comedy ones, the action and the stunts, even the ones where they were slogging around in the woods for hours in the middle of the goddamn night - but that kind of intensity was something special.

He read the scene through again. He could see why Jensen was frowning: Dean was really laying himself out there in a way he normally didn't.

"Sleep on it," Jared suggested after a moment. "See how you feel about it in the morning."

Jensen nodded slowly, though his frown didn't disappear entirely. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right."

When Jared climbed into the car the next morning, though, Jensen was quiet and lost in thought, sipping distractedly at his coffee.

"Why don't we try running some other lines?" Jared suggested after a moment. "Work our way up to it. We won't be shooting it until next week anyway, right? We've got time to think about it and try things out, and if it really just doesn't work, we can call Eric and talk to him about changing it."

Jensen nodded. "Yeah, okay."

They both relaxed progressively as they started working through the script, feeling the flow between them. Jared had read quickly through it the night before and was excited about it, on the whole - _Shadow_ had all the makings of an awesome episode. They'd get to work with Jeff again, which was always amazing, and the scene where Sam came face to face with his missing father was one Jared was really looking forward to.

He could see why Jensen was wary about the scene between Sam and Dean, though. Jensen always did an amazing job of conveying his character's depths in subtle ways; for Dean to just come right out and say those things was a huge step.

They had a first go at the scene, and though they ran it through to the end, Jensen's face told the whole story.

"I can't do it," he said once they reached the end of the scene. "I can't make it work."

Jared leaned back in his seat, his shoulder brushing against Jensen's. "It was just a first run, man. Give yourself a chance."

"I know, but..." Jensen trailed off, mouth tightening.

"Talk it out with me," Jared suggested. "Do you think that's not what Dean's feeling at this point?" Because if not, that would be a _really_ big deal. Jared was happy to accept that it was the writers who determined what would happen and what their characters would say and do, but he and Jensen had been inside Sam and Dean's heads for almost a year now. He knew he felt protective of Sam and what the writers and directors and producers did to him; Jensen felt the same way about Dean, he had admitted as much in the past.

Even if they didn't have the final say, Jared trusted Jensen's instincts. He had so much insight into Dean, brought so much life to the character. If he said this just wasn't Dean, Jared was inclined to listen to him. Hopefully Eric would too, if it came to that.

"No, it's not that," Jensen said, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I mean... family's everything to Dean, he would do everything to have both his dad and Sam back and together. He wants it more than anything. And the thought of Sam just taking off back to college - the idea's killing him. So no, that's not my problem, the motivation's all spot-on, it's just..."

"Too much?" Jared suggested thoughtfully.

"Yeah," Jensen agreed. "It's so important to him that I can't see him just... laying it all out there like that. He's been keeping everything pretty close to his chest up until now, just letting Sam or the audience see flashes of it, and then this? I just can't get my head around it, and if I can't figure it out, I can't sell it, Jared. I can't pull it off."

Jared put a hand on his friend's shoulder and squeezed for a moment, trying to reassure him. "Call Eric today, okay? Maybe it's not set in stone. But even if it is... we'll work on it together. I know you, man. You can sell _anything_. So don't stress over it too much for now, okay?"

Jensen sighed and managed a smile at him, genuine even if he still looked somewhat worried. "Thanks, Jared."

Jared shrugged and let his hand drop. "Just the truth."

* * *

It was a relief that Kim was in charge for this episode. Jared had a lot of respect for the various guest directors who came in, but Kim was in another category entirely, and he knew Jensen felt the same way. He wouldn't have wanted Jensen to be trying to figure this scene out with someone they didn't know and didn't have the same trust with. At least he could count on Kim to take Jensen seriously and give him the time and support he needed to find a way to pull the scene off convincingly.

Eric had apparently been sympathetic when Jensen had called him, but firm on the scene staying largely as it was, though he'd voiced a willingness to make minor changes to the dialogue if Jensen had specific suggestions. Jensen had accepted the decision, but Jared could see his friend was twisting himself ever tighter with worry about the scene.

They were meant to be shooting it that day, and were working with Kim on blocking it out, establishing where they'd move and when. Jensen was all concentration, and Jared was focusing as completely as he could too, avoiding the jokes he'd normally be cracking to lighten the atmosphere and instead doing his best to bring his A-game if it would make this easier for Jensen.

"Okay, guys, take a break while we finish setting up," Kim told them finally.

Jared led the way over to their chairs and studied Jensen. "How are you doing?"

Jensen shook his head. "Still can't figure it out. This isn't going to go well."

Jared shrugged to indicate that was no big deal. It wasn't like they hadn't been forced to shoot a scene a dozen-plus times because of _him_ before. If that was what it took, they could deal with that. He knew that more time than usual had been scheduled in for this scene anyway, after Jensen's conversations with Eric and Kim.

"We've got time," he offered.

Jensen shook his head. "Time helps if it's a scene I'm fucking up because I can't remember the lines or I'm missing my cues. Going through take after take isn't going to help with this."

Jared accepted that without argument and cast around for anything he could do to help. "What do you think it _would_ take for Dean to come out and say something like that?"

Jensen looked at him, then down at the ground, thoughtful. "Other than the end of the world? I don't know. He'd have to be desperate. He'd have to feel he really _had_ to lay it all out like that."

"He's got to be pretty desperate at this point," Jared pointed out. "Sam's talking about leaving again, and not just soon - like, _tonight_ if all goes to plan. And acting all excited about it. That's got to be really tough for Dean, right?"

"Yeah, it is," Jensen agreed. "But to ask for it, in so many words? Dean doesn't really do talking things out. He's not a words guy."

"Sam is, though," Jared said. "I mean, Dean's been showing Sam all this time that family's important to him, that he wants his brother with him, that the family business is what they're meant to do, and it's not getting through - or at least not at this point, if Sam's thinking of leaving again. Maybe putting things into words is the only way Dean stands a chance of getting through to him."

Jensen was silent for a moment, considering, before he said, "Maybe. If he convinces himself that..." He trailed off again, but Jared could almost _see_ Jensen's mind putting things together.

"Okay, guys, we're ready for you!" Kim called.

Two takes in, with a lot of encouragement and help from Kim, Jared could immediately feel the moment Jensen figured things out to his own satisfaction. The way his friend delivered his lines changed subtly, but in a way that somehow made all the difference, because the scene was _working_ now in a way it hadn't before.

They needed four more takes to take account of a couple of changes to Dean's movements that Jensen and Kim worked out between them, and to adjust Sam's reactions accordingly, but in the final take they nailed it.

"Good work, both of you," Kim told them. "I knew you had it in you. You're done for the day, take yourselves off home and get some sleep."

Jared slung an arm around Jensen's shoulder. "You did it, man. You pulled it off. You were _awesome_."

Jensen turned his head to grin at him, wide with relief and satisfaction. "_We_ were awesome. And hey - thanks. You really helped me to figure it out, you know. Not to mention put up with me going crazy the past few days."

Jared felt himself flush a little at the compliment. He could hear the genuine gratitude and respect in Jensen's tone, and it meant a lot that someone who was as amazing an actor as Jensen could have that much respect for him, could find his suggestions helpful.

"Come on," was all he said, steering Jensen in the direction of the trailers. "Come back and crash at my place tonight. I owe you a beer or two."

* * *

"J.T.?"

"Momma! Hi!" Jared said, grabbing a towel and drying himself off as best as he could one-handed. "I'm sorry, I've been meaning to call -"

"That's all right, I know you're busy right now," his mom told him.

'Busy' was an understatement. They were in the process of shooting the last couple of episodes, and it was beyond intense. Working hours had ratcheted up - they'd worked Saturdays too for the past couple of weeks. Jared was past exhausted, but at the same time it was awesome. They were doing good work, he could feel it. And having Jeff around was, as usual, pulling him and Jensen up a couple of notches further. Jared was pretty sure the end of the season was going to be amazing.

But even so, he'd give a lot for ten hours of uninterrupted sleep right now.

"We were just watching your show," his mom said, "and I thought I'd give you a call and tell you how proud I am of you, honey."

Jared glanced across at the clock. Wow, yes, it was that time of evening, and he'd almost forgotten it was even a Thursday. He was still in his trailer after deciding to grab a quick shower before heading back to the hotel. They'd worked late, but not too late, since they'd had a night shoot the day before. Tomorrow was likely to be another long, long day.

"Thanks, Mom," he said.

"It was the episode with the shadow things," she said.

"Oh, _Shadow_," Jared said. "Really? I'd lost track, didn't realize that was about to air."

"You did a real good job," his mom said. "That scene where the boys met up with their dad again nearly made me cry. And your sister got all upset about the bit where the two of you talk about your plans for the future."

Jared grinned, slow and happy. "I'll pass that on to Jensen. It was a really tough scene for him, so he'll be stoked to hear it worked for her. He really nailed it in the end, though, didn't he?"

"You both did," his mom said firmly. "When are you due to finish shooting?"

"Another few weeks," Jared said, dressing with one hand. "It's going to be crazy between now and then. When I get home, I'm gonna sleep for a month, seriously."

She laughed. "I expect to see you here at some point, J.T. I know you'll want to spend some time in L.A. too, but we haven't seen you since January."

"I know," Jared said. He _did_ know, far too well. He missed his family a lot - he just tried not to think about it too much, because there wasn't a great deal he could do about it right now with the hours he was working, so there was no point in dwelling on it and making himself miserable. Missing Sandy the way he did was bad enough. He swallowed. "But don't worry, you won't be able to get rid of me. I'm planning on taking the whole summer off, just lazing around and catching up with everyone."

"That sounds like a wonderful plan, honey," his mom said.

There was a knock at the door and Jensen stuck his head in. "Hey, are you - oh, sorry, man -"

Jared waved at him to come in, relieved that he'd at least managed to get his shorts on beforehand. "Momma, talk to Jensen for a minute while I finish getting dressed, okay? Tell him what you told me about that scene." He held out the phone.

Jensen took it, looking slightly alarmed. "Hello? Oh, hi, Mrs. Padalecki, how are you?"

Jared got dressed, listening to Jensen's side of the conversation, entertained by the way Jensen's expression swung between slightly panicked and pleased.

"Well, thank you very much," Jensen said finally. "Jared's managed to tie his shoelaces now, so I'm gonna pass you back across. Thanks, Mrs. Padalecki, you too." He thrust the phone back in Jared's direction.

Jared took it with a grin. "Hi again, Momma."

"He seems like a lovely young man," his mom said approvingly. "You should invite him to come visit this summer too, you know."

The thought hadn't actually occurred to Jared, but it made a lot of sense. "You're right. Momma, I'm sorry, I've got to go - can I call you back on Sunday and catch up? We'll probably be working on Saturday..."

"Of course, honey," she said. "Make sure you get enough sleep, now. Jensen too, you boys look after each other."

Jared grinned. "We will. Bye, Mom, love you."

"Love you too, J.T.," his mom told him warmly before she hung up.

"My mom's a fan," Jared told Jensen, pocketing his phone.

Jensen laughed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "She seems awesome."

"Yeah, she is," Jared said, feeling another sudden wave of homesickness at the thought of her. He shook it off as best he could and locked it away. _Only a few more weeks to go_. "Okay, let's go. I don't know about you, but I could use my beauty sleep."

* * *

The wrap party was quite something. Jared was having a blast, laughing with all the people he'd made friends with over the past nine months. It was good to be at the end, to be able to cut loose and drink a bit more knowing he didn't need to get up and come in to the set for six o'clock the next morning. His flight didn't leave until the next day.

His flight.

That was the only weird thing, Jared admitted to himself. They still didn't know whether Supernatural would be renewed for another season. Everyone was cautiously hopeful - the last few episodes they'd shot, in particular, had really taken things up a gear. It felt like they'd really hit their stride. But with the networks merging, things were even more unpredictable than usual, apparently. No one seemed to really know what was going to happen. The uncertainty was hard to deal with.

Jared wasn't sure what he wanted. On the one hand, he'd loved working on Supernatural this year. It was amazing being one of the leads, working on a show as it got started, watching everything come together. On the other hand, much as he liked Vancouver, he was a hell of a long way from home, and a hell of a long way from his girlfriend. He hadn't seen Sandy in weeks, as they'd worked flat-out to finish off the season. He was _really_ looking forward to seeing her when he reached L.A.

He glanced around, looking for Jensen, and caught sight of him slipping out of a side-door. _Huh_.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked five minutes later, after making his excuses to the group he'd been hanging out with and fighting his way through the crowd.

Jensen was leaning back against the side of the building, a bottle of beer cradled in his hand. He smiled at Jared, though, so Jared felt entitled to go and stand beside him.

"Just needed some air," Jensen said.

Jared nodded and didn't push.

They stood together in comfortable silence for a while, listening to the sounds of the party carrying on inside. Finally, Jensen said, "I really wish we already knew, you know? One way or the other. I don't like not knowing if this is the last night."

Jared nodded with a sigh. "The up-fronts are the latest we should hear, right?"

"Yeah," Jensen said. "You'll be going, right?"

Jared hadn't actually thought about it one way or the other yet, but... "Yeah. Yeah, I'll be there. You're going too, right? So we'll see each other then, either way."

"Yeah," Jensen said, and Jared could see some of the tension go out of him.

It was strange how well he'd gotten to know Jensen over the past nine months, well enough to read tiny pieces of body language, even out here in the dark. Then again, they'd spent insane amounts of time together. He'd spent more time with Jensen in the past nine months than with Sandy.

The thought that tomorrow he'd get out of bed and not see Jensen, or the day after, or months after - it was weird.

He took a sip of his beer and admitted to himself that he did want the show to be renewed. _Really_ wanted it. Much though he still missed being closer to Texas and Sandy and his family, he wanted to come back and see how the show hit its stride in a new season. He wanted to see how much he could improve. He wanted to spend more time hanging out with Jensen Ackles. The thought that it might be over, that he might never spend time between scenes kicking Jensen's ass on the Playstation or having a few beers with him in the evening... He wasn't ready for that.

Because no matter how you said you'd keep in touch with someone afterwards, it was never the same. If Supernatural didn't get renewed, they'd both move on to other projects, and yeah, they'd text each other a few times, maybe even meet up for a beer once or twice a year if they were lucky, but that would be it.

It was kind of surprising to Jared how much he didn't want that to happen.

"Hey," he found himself saying. "You should come visit in the summer, when you get a break from filming. Come meet my family, or hang out with me and Sandy in L.A."

Jensen turned his head to look at him, and smiled suddenly, slow and bright.

"Yeah," he said. "Sounds good."

* * *

Supernatural was renewed. Jared whooped with joy when he heard, and hugged Jensen in celebration.

Sandy hugged him right after that, and Jared tried to focus on the pride he saw in her eyes, and not the sadness lurking just behind it.

* * *

Hiatus was amazing, particularly now he knew for certain it _was_ a hiatus and not anything more permanent. Jared slept, and slept some more, and hung out with Sandy, and spent time at home with his family, and slept even more.

It was amazing how much he now appreciated things he'd taken for granted before. Stupid little things, mostly: brands of food and drink that it was harder to get in Vancouver, the exact kind of heat that was Texas in the summer. Bigger things too, of course, mostly people. His dogs. God, Jared had missed his dogs, and he decided to take them to Vancouver with him when filming started again. They could stay at the hotel with him, and he was sure it wouldn't be a problem to take them out to the set during the day. He'd need to take them out for a run each day, which would probably mean getting up an hour or two earlier, but it would be worth it.

He and Jensen texted back and forth, and that was good too. Jared had been a little worried that they wouldn't speak all summer, too busy with their separate lives, but he kept finding himself wanting to tell Jensen something, or share something amusing with him. Texting worked, and given how quickly Jensen usually replied, Jared figured he felt the same way.

When Jared received the message with the photo of Jensen dressed up as Priestley, face covered with piercings and hair in a bright blue mohawk, he laughed for an entire day.

* * *

Heading back to Vancouver was different this year. Maybe just because he knew what to expect this time and was better prepared.

Saying goodbye to Sandy was the hardest part, of course. She saw him to the airport, kissed him goodbye and waved as he went through to security, her eyes bright with unshed tears. Jared was miserable, right up until the flight touched down in Vancouver and he was able to reclaim his dogs, who seemed none the worse for wear after the journey. It was hard to be too miserable with Harley licking his face.

He put Sandy out of his mind as best he could for now. Yeah, he missed her like hell, but dwelling on it was only going to make things worse. Last year had taught him that.

He was staying at the same hotel, and to his surprise, Marga at the front desk told him he could even have the same suite, if he wanted.

"Yeah," Jared said, smiling suddenly. "Yeah, I'll take that suite again."

It was nice, having that level of familiarity with the place. Jared understood now why Jensen had stuck with the same hotel for years, even though it meant a longer drive to set. That tiny additional degree of familiarity was worth a lot. Of course, the room was pretty bland and anonymous again at the moment - he'd had to move all the crap he'd accumulated when he'd left for the summer. The essentials he'd taken with him, and they were in his bags, but the other shit he'd packed up and put into storage. He'd have to go collect it tomorrow.

The dogs sniffed their way around the suite, getting to know the place. Jared frowned a little: it was a pretty small space for two such big dogs. Still, it wasn't like he was planning to leave them there during the day or anything - they'd be able to run around out at the set, and no doubt they'd get plenty of attention from the crew, too. It would work out.

He let them explore while he unpacked, reorganizing things in the drawers and closets he'd taken them from just a few months earlier. Somehow the room didn't look quite as bare and impersonal as it had when he'd first moved in, even though most of his stuff was still in storage.

He called his parents and let them know he'd arrived safely, then took a deep breath and made himself dial Sandy's number.

It wasn't that he didn't want to speak to her - Jesus, more than just about anything he wished she was right there with him. But it was hard hearing her voice, feeling that longing rush right back over him. He breathed deeply and rubbed the bridge of his forehead while they spoke.

"I'm glad the journey was okay," Sandy said. "How did Harley and Sadie cope?"

"They seem fine," Jared said. "Pleased to be able to run loose again, of course. They're getting to know the place at the moment, but I'll have to take them out for a run in a while, maybe buy some stuff for them while I'm out."

"I miss them already," Sandy said. "This place just isn't quite the same without them."

Jared swallowed hard. She did mean that, he knew. He also knew it wasn't just the dogs that she missed.

They sat in silence for a moment, just listening to each other breathe.

The moment was interrupted when Sadie jumped up on top of him and proceeded to lick his face. Jared spluttered and toppled backwards, raising one arm to fend off the worst of the drool attack. "Jesus. I think Sadie really wants to go for that run now."

Sandy was laughing, determinedly cheerful now. "You should go before she resorts to extreme measures."

Jared laughed too and forced himself back up into a sitting position. "Okay. Love you, call you tomorrow."

"Love you, Jared," Sandy said softly, and hung up.

Jared stared at the photo of them that was now sitting on the nightstand again, then stuck the phone in his pocket and got to his feet. He had dogs to walk.

* * *

"Whoa," Jensen said when the dogs piled into the car, looking abruptly more awake than he had when Jared had opened the door. "Jesus. What -?"

Jared closed the door behind him. "That's Sadie, and this is Harley."

"Wow," Jensen said, over his lapful of enthusiastic dog. "Hi Sadie, hi Harley. Nice to, uh, meet you both. Hey girl, you keeping an eye on Jared this year, huh? Good luck with _that_."

"It's all part of a conspiracy to make me go out running more," Jared told him, coaxing Sadie back down to lie on the floor now she'd gotten to know Jensen.

"Cunning," Jensen said. "I hope no one gets any ideas about getting at me that way."

Jared laughed and tugged Jensen into a one-armed hug. "Hey, man. It's good to see you again."

Jensen hugged him back. "Yeah, you too. You're looking good, did you have a good time over hiatus?"

Jared released him again. "It was awesome. I'd kind of planned to just sleep for three months, but there was a lot on in the end - a friend got married, a cousin had a baby, so... It was good. How about you? Did you get a chance to sleep any?"

"Yeah, I wasn't filming the whole time, I got a few weeks off," Jensen said. "It was a fun shoot, I had a blast."

"I gotta tell you, I'm kind of disappointed you didn't keep the mohawk," Jared told him. "It was very _you_."

"Your hair's long enough, I'm sure I could convince Marie to do one for you if you're that into them," Jensen mock-threatened, and Jared laughed and sank back against the seat.

It had been a good summer, but it was good to be back, too.

* * *

The dogs were a hit. There were at least half a dozen PAs who melted at the sight of them and volunteered to keep an eye on them while Jared was busy, so that was a relief. And after the initial shock of them jumping into the car the first morning, Jensen seemed to like them too. He always stroked them when they got in the car and came up to him to say good morning, and he didn't seem to mind whenever Sadie settled her chin on his knee, looking up at him soulfully.

It was amazing what a difference it made, having them around. Jared didn't feel nearly as lonely this year: it was hard to feel alone when there were two big dogs snuffling around in his suite and demanding his attention.

Taking them out for a run each morning was good too, once he got into the routine. Getting up an hour earlier nearly killed him the first week until he re-adjusted, but after that he enjoyed it. He got to know the neighborhood much better, too - learning where you could get decent coffee at any time, day or night, where the nicest parks were, what little stores were hidden where. There was this one store he passed with the most amazing wooden carving in the window of a dog that looked just like Harley. The first weekend after shooting began, he went back in daylight hours and bought it.

He ended up putting it on the little coffee table in the living room. It looked pretty awesome there.

* * *

Second season was easier in a lot of ways, and harder in others.

It really felt like they were hitting their stride now, both on the work front and the personal front. Jared was really excited about the first few episodes they'd shot and the way the season was shaping up. Trying to show the way the boys were dealing with the loss of their father was a new challenge, and it was really interesting to explore the ways in which the characters were developing. Jared felt like they were doing good work, like both he and Jensen were at the top of their game when filming.

And in general, things were going smoothly on the work front. The crew knew each other now: although there were a few new faces, almost everyone who'd worked on season one had returned for season two. Jared had the impression that, like Jensen and him, everyone was hitting their stride and gaining confidence now - the writers, the directors, the crew... He was excited to see what the fan reaction would be to the new season, because from where he was sitting, things were seeming pretty awesome.

Even outside of work, things were good. Jared was feeling much more settled this year. Maybe just because he knew what to expect this time, and partly because he wasn't flying back and forth to L.A. quite as much. It made a big difference, being able to relax and unwind at the weekend and catch up on his sleep, rather than grabbing red-eye flights.

Missing Sandy wasn't something that ever really went away, but he was getting better at dealing with that this year too, locking it away inside and forcing himself to concentrate on other things instead, because moping around just didn't help anything. They spoke on the phone every couple of days, traded emails and text messages, and it was fine. They were making it work.

* * *

"Oh man, I'm tired," Jared said, and let his head slump down to rest on Jensen's shoulder. "Tell me it's Friday."

Jensen laughed at him, but his voice was tired too when he replied, "No such luck. We still have tomorrow to get through."

Jared groaned. "Sure I can't just stay in bed? It's your big emo scene, no one'll notice if Sam isn't there for that, surely."

Jensen laughed again, though less happily this time. "You're kidding, right? Sorry, man, hate to break it to you, but someone as big as you kind of stands out. I think someone might notice if you're not there."

Jared sighed and straightened up. "Spoilsport." He tilted his head to look at Jensen. "You ready for that scene?"

Jensen's mouth twisted. "I think so. It should be okay, but... it's gonna be heavy, that's all."

"You'll rock it," Jared said confidently. It was a pretty big scene for Jensen, with Dean finally confessing to his brother some of the fucked-up shit that had been going on in his head since their father's death, including the belief that he ought to be dead. Jared didn't have to do too much other than looked concerned and conflicted and unable to deal with a Dean who was falling apart; it was definitely Jensen who would have to carry the scene. But Jensen was amazing at that kind of thing, and Jared had no doubt the scene would be great.

It turned out to be harder than he'd expected, though, to watch Jensen wind himself up for it. It surprised him just how much it bothered him; Jared kept wanting to go over and put a hand on his shoulder, maybe give him a hug, do _something_ to erase that look from Jensen's eyes, but he forced himself to keep his distance and let Jensen do his thing.

Even in Sam's skin, it was hard to watch Dean fall apart, far worse than Jared had been expecting - wanting to reach out, knowing Dean would bolt if he did...

The scene worked, though. Really worked. The energy was there, and Jared wasn't even surprised when they got it in one take.

"Great work, guys," the director said. "Take a break while we pack things up here."

Jensen didn't wait for more than that, already off the car and walking off down the road, far too fast, his head low. Jared sighed, forced the last of Sam Winchester from his mind, and set off after him.

Jensen didn't stop until he was quite a distance away, far away that none of the crew would overhear him. Though Jared thought they probably knew both of them well enough by now to know not to interfere.

"Hey," he said, as he caught up with his friend. "Hey, Jen. C'mere."

He tugged Jensen into a hug, and after a moment Jensen stopped resisting and just went with it. Jared could feel him trembling, his breath hitching.

They stood there in silence for a while, until Jensen finally calmed down and started to breathe normally.

"Great work, man," Jared told him, soft but utterly convinced.

Jensen finally pulled back and looked up at him. He was red-eyed, but didn't seem to have any trouble meeting Jared's eyes, for which Jared was grateful.

"Thanks, Jared," Jensen said, and sighed. "Okay, now I'm tired. You think they'll let us go at a sane hour today?"

"Only one way to find out," Jared said, and slung an arm around Jensen, turning them to walk back up the hill. "Let's go ask what the schedule is."

Jensen dozed off on his shoulder in the car on the way home that evening, and Jared held very still before finally telling the driver to head straight to Jensen's hotel.

He crashed on Jensen's couch that night, the dogs on the floor at his feet, and in the morning Jensen came running with them.

* * *

He called Jensen while waiting to go through customs. "Hey. Everything going okay so far?"

"Jesus, Jared, you've only been gone two hours," Jensen said, laughing. "Anyone would think you're a new parent leaving their kid with a babysitter for the first time."

"You'd make a really cute babysitter," Jared shot back. "You totally were one back in high school, weren't you."

"The dogs are fine," Jensen said hastily.

Jared laughed - too loud, if the irritated glances he got from the people standing in front of him in the line were anything to judge by. He forced himself to lower his voice a bit. "Smooth, Ackles. Smooth. But everything's going okay?"

"Everything's _fine_," Jensen stressed again. "We went out for a run a while ago, now your kids are just vegetating with me in front of the tv. Sadie's got her bone and Harley sound asleep. And if you ask me to put them on so you can speak to them, I am seriously going to enrol you in some kind of twelve-step program, man."

Jared grinned at the thought of Jensen and the dogs curled up together in Jensen's suite. At some point in the past few weeks, Jared had found that one of the cabinets in Jensen's kitchenette now contained spare tins of dog food and boxes of treats. Neither of them had said anything about it, but something about Jensen and the dogs together always made Jared grin.

He was pretty sure Jensen could handle looking after them for the weekend while he was in L.A., but still. There was a difference between letting them lie around in his suite while Jared was there too, or even going out for runs with Jared and the dogs, and actually looking after them for a whole weekend.

"I appreciate it," Jared told him, and looked up as the line finally began moving forward properly. "I've got to go. Thanks, Jensen, seriously. Call me if anything comes up, right?"

"Get moving, Jared," Jensen told him. "I promise to call if the kids get cranky, okay? Give Sandy a hug for me."

* * *

It was good, _amazing_ to see Sandy again. Jared swept her up in his arms and swung her around. "Hey, baby."

Sandy laughed and dragged him down for a kiss.

"Mind if I make some coffee?" Jared asked when they got back to her apartment. "I need to wake up a bit."

"Help yourself, you know that," Sandy told him, laughing a little at the question.

They had coffee together on her couch, snuggled together, catching up on the past couple of months. It was hard to believe it had been that long since they'd seen each other, but Jared had wanted to get settled in Vancouver - and make sure the dogs were settled too - before traveling back to L.A., and though Sandy had been planning to come up one weekend, she'd been called back for an audition and had to cancel.

They'd already talked about most of what had been happening on the phone and via email, but it wasn't quite the same as talking in person, able to see each other's expressions and give a hug when it was needed.

"It's sounded like you're doing really well this season," Sandy said, leaning into him.

Jared couldn't help grinning. "We are. It's going great, I think this season's going to be amazing. Jensen said the same thing. Oh, he said to say hi and give you a hug from him, by the way." He pulled her a little closer and squeezed her obediently.

Sandy laughed and snuggled into him. "Right back at him. I'm glad you've got him up there with you, I wouldn't like to think of you being alone."

* * *

The run-up to Christmas was busy, enough that Jared was late in getting started on his Christmas shopping. It was a shock when he realized he had no clue what to buy his sister.

It was stupid. They spoke on the phone nearly every week, and she chatted on cheerily about what was going on in her life. He knew about her new boyfriend and her schoolwork and the party she'd been to the other week.

But he didn't know what music she was listening to at the moment, or which movies she didn't already own on dvd. He didn't know about the little things, the things which seemed of too little significance to bother mentioning on the phone, but which in total were... important.

And it was only at a moment like this, when he was trying to think what to buy her for Christmas, that he realized just how out of touch he really was.

God, how had he ever let that happen?

"Calm down, JT," his mom told him when he called in a horrified panic. "It's normal when you're living that far away. Of course you can't keep track of every cd in her collection, honey."

Jared groaned and rested his head on the table. "Oh my god, I'm an awful brother."

"That's not what she says," his mom said. "And if, say, you were to get her the charm bracelet she's been pining after for the past month or two, I bet she _really_ wouldn't say that."

"A charm bracelet?" Jared said. She'd never mentioned it to him, but a charm bracelet was doable. "Any particular kind?"

"Silver," his mom told him. "And you can pick out what charms you think would suit her. That would be a lovely present."

"Huh, it would," Jared said thoughtfully. That would be a bit more personal. He cheered up at the thought. "Thanks, Momma."

His sister loved the charm bracelet when she unwrapped it on Christmas Day. She seemed to find it a bit odd when Jared started interrogating her about the books she was reading and the cds she was buying, after that, but she didn't comment on it, and Jared was grateful.

* * *

Jared stared around his L.A. apartment.

It was pretty empty these days, more a storage place than anything else. The important stuff was all up in Vancouver these days, except for his furniture and a few larger items. The rest of the stuff there wasn't anything important to him.

It was still clean, thanks to the agency that came in once a week to keep the place in order, but it felt empty and abandoned. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept there - maybe a night or two back in the summer hiatus. But for nine months of the year he was in Vancouver, and even when he went to L.A., he usually stayed with Sandy rather than going to this apartment.

_Maybe_, he thought to himself, _it's time to sell it_.

It would be a pretty big step. But if he was going to have an apartment somewhere, it really made more sense right now for it to be in Vancouver.

He packed a few more things into his bags and left, locking the door carefully behind him. It was something to think about, at least. If the show was renewed for another season, maybe he ought to make that leap of faith. Get a place with a yard, maybe, where the dogs could run around. He and Jensen could grill steaks at the weekends.

As ideas went, it sounded pretty nice, actually.

* * *

One of the things Jared loved was the way Jensen's accent came out more strongly when he was really tired. Most of the time Jensen kept it under control, though you could hear hints of it in certain words if you really focused. But when he was tired, it started creeping in. Jared loved hearing it, the way it felt like being home. He had to suppress his own accent for his work, but that didn't mean he wanted to lose it - just control it when necessary.

Sometimes he and Jensen would get into weird accent pissing matches, trying to outdo each other with the Texas until they were both reduced to helpless laughter. Jared loved that.

* * *

"Whoa," Jared said when he saw the script.

It wasn't like he hadn't known it was coming. There had been negotiations going on with his agent about the level of nudity involved in the sex scene with Madison for weeks, now. It had been Jared's decision, in the end. But seeing it there in black and white... Jesus.

He forced himself to read on, and paused as he reached the final couple of scenes. Those he _hadn't_ known about until now, and wow, this was going to be one hell of an episode. It was intimidating just thinking about trying to sell that scene properly.

He started working out a lot more. It wasn't like he'd been lazy up until now - he went running with his dogs every day, and despite his schedule, he tried to make time to work out two or three times a week, just to stay healthy - but if he was going to be flashing that much skin on camera, he didn't want to make himself a laughing stock. So in the weeks leading up to the episode, he got up even earlier to work out each morning, and spent his free evenings in the hotel gym, even canceling plans with Jensen to find more time.

It was a bit of a shock, though, the next evening, to look up and see Jensen walking across the gym toward him.

"Hey, man," Jared said, a bit worried, though he didn't know why. "What are you doing here?"

Jensen shrugged. "Figured I'd come work out with you for a while. Is that okay?"

Jared blinked. "Sure. Of course it's okay."

Jensen flashed him a grin, and they worked out in comfortable silence for a while.

Afterwards, they went back to Jared's suite, and Jensen wandered around, inspecting the photographs and the books on the shelves while Jared got him a drink.

"So I guess you're pretty worked up about this episode," Jensen observed finally, raising his bottle to Jared in salute.

Jared shrugged, feeling oddly self-conscious. "It'll be okay."

"It'll be better than okay," Jensen told him, and the tone of utter conviction in his voice made Jared look up. Jensen was looking at him intently. "You don't need to worry about the big kill-me scene, Jared. You're good, better than good. I know you're going to nail that scene."

Jared swallowed. The scene had been worrying him, but coming from Jensen, that meant a lot.

"And you don't have anything to worry about with the other scene either," Jensen said, turning away to inspect his books again. "Believe me."

For some reason, Jared did, and when the scenes rolled around, he remembered the conviction in Jensen's voice and knew he wouldn't let him down.

* * *

It was hard to believe the end of the season was almost upon them again. Jared shook his head at the thought and rubbed his forehead, focusing on the script again.

He couldn't quite believe the script, either. Jesus.

"Wow," Jensen said beside him, looking up at last. "Dude."

"Do you think Eric's heard we're not going to get picked up for a third season, or something?" Jared asked, not quite joking.

Jensen met his eyes, then looked away and sighed. "Nah. If that was it, he'd tell us. I don't think he knows either. Maybe he's just playing it safe. Or hell, who knows. Maybe he just wants to wrap up the YED storyline and move on to something new next season. The whole thing with Dean's deal could be interesting to see play out."

"I guess so," Jared said. He knew Jensen was right - if Eric had heard anything semi-definite, he would have told them. Besides, Eric could be pretty crazy. Just because he decided to kill off the big bad, that didn't necessarily mean anything.

"You realize you're going to have to lie there and play dead for ages while we do the heart-rending death scene?" Jensen said, flicking back to the start of the script. "Dude, we are going to have to keep you away from the coffee that day. And the sugar."

Jared flipped him off. "Sounds like Jeff'll be here for one day, at least. It'll be cool to see him again."

"Yeah, it will," Jensen agreed, smiling. "And Jim and Sam, too. Should be a blast."

Once they'd got the death scenes out of the way - Jensen was messed up for a full day, shooting them, and Jared knew him well enough to keep other people out of his way, but stay close himself afterwards - it really was a blast. Even though the fear of not being renewed was hanging over them, Jared was really proud of the way they all took that fear and used it to make the best possible finale they could.

When it was all over and they were at the wrap party, Jared found himself thinking about the difference to the year before. At the end of the first season he'd had mixed feelings, wanting to come back for another season, but at the same time wishing he could spend more time in L.A. This year... he _wanted_ another season. Really wanted it. They'd done a pretty amazing job this year, he was sure of it, and he wasn't ready for the ride to be over yet. Who knew what they could do with another season?

Yeah, if the show was picked up, he was going to sell his apartment in L.A., he decided finally.

"It'll be okay, you'll see," Jensen said, passing him another beer. "Remember how worried we were last year? We've got a good chance."

"Yeah," Jared said, and slung an arm around him. "I think you're right."

* * *

Eric called the day before the up-fronts with the good news, and Jared whooped out loud. When he called Jensen right after, he could hear the grin in Jensen's voice.

"I'm gonna buy a house," Jared told him.

Jensen laughed. "What?"

"In Vancouver," Jared said. "It's not like I ever stay at my apartment in L.A. anyway, I'm always at Sandy's place. If we're going to be sticking around in Vancouver for a while, I might as well go for it, you know? Get a place where the dogs can run around and shit."

"Wow," Jensen said, but his voice was oddly approving. "I didn't realize you were thinking about that. I think it's cool." He paused. "You're telling me this now because you're going to make me help you lug heavy-ass boxes about, aren't you?"

"Hell yes," Jared said happily. "Soon as your play's done with. How are things going so far? You memorized your lines yet?"

Jensen was good at learning lines, but the play was a lot even by his standards, and he hadn't had a chance to work on it while they were still filming the finale. Jared knew he'd been... not worried about it, exactly, but it had been weighing on him a bit.

"Nearly," Jensen said with a groan. "Man, I'm never complaining about one of our scripts again. But yeah, rehearsals are going pretty well. And it's nice being home, too, takes some of the pressure off."

Jared knew what he meant. Even though he was pretty excited about buying a place in Vancouver, even though he was okay with the idea of selling his place in L.A. ... there was nowhere quite like being back home.

* * *

Sandy's reaction to his decision wasn't quite what he'd expected. She didn't argue or seem disapproving, as such, but she did go weirdly quiet for a minute.

"I - you don't mind me staying here when I come to visit you, do you?" Jared asked, suddenly unnerved. "I mean, it just seems like I'm here all the time anyway, so..."

"No, I don't mind that," Sandy said hastily. "God, no, you know I want you here with me. Just - I don't know. You mentioned you were thinking about it, but I didn't realize you were that serious about it."

Jared frowned, leaning back in his seat. "I just figure it makes sense, you know? Hopefully Supernatural will run for a few more years - Eric wants four or five seasons, and if they're giving us a third, I think we've got a pretty good chance of getting that. So if I'm based there for the next few years, I might as well do it properly. I've gotten used to my hotel suite now, but it's still a hotel. I don't really want to live in a hotel for the next few years, you know?"

"Yes," Sandy said. "Yes, it makes sense. Just..."

"Just what, baby?" Jared asked. He really didn't want this to screw things up between them somehow, but he couldn't fix it unless Sandy told him exactly what was bothering her.

Sandy sighed and looked down. "It's stupid, I know. But... I don't know. It kind of feels like you're moving away from me, somehow. I know that's not what you're doing, but I can't help feeling that way."

Jared pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her hair. "God. God, Sandy, that's the last thing I want to do. Don't you know that? You - I _love_ you, you know that, right?"

"I know," Sandy whispered at once. "And I love you too, you know that. It's just hard, having you so far away. I mean, it's great that the show's doing so well, and I'm so, so proud of you, Jared. I'm really happy for you. I guess this is just... bringing it home to me that it's not likely to change any time soon, you know? It's one thing knowing that in the back of my mind and trying not to think about it, and another to have you buying a house up there and selling your place here."

Jared tightened his arms around her and tried to think of something to say.

"Do you want me to keep my apartment here?" he asked finally.

"No," Sandy said at once, shaking her head. "No, I'm being silly. It's just an apartment, it doesn't make a difference, really. You should get a nice house in Vancouver. And I'll come up and we'll have a whole load of new rooms to christen."

Jared tipped her head up and kissed her, trying to put just how much he loved her into it.

* * *

Finding the right house wasn't too difficult; his old apartment sold almost overnight. It was a little weird, moving the last of his stuff out of it - Jared had had some good times in that apartment, and there were some really good memories associated with it. But he was sure of his decision.

The house in Vancouver was awesome. Probably a lot bigger than he really needed, but he wanted to be able to have friends and family come up to visit. And Jensen would probably appreciate having an actual bed to crash on when he stayed over, rather than a cramped couch. Besides, the other advantage of having a larger house was that the yard was larger too, and Harley and Sadie really did need the extra room. They were big dogs.

Of course, furnishing the place was going to be more work than buying it, Jared was pretty sure.

He stuck to the absolute basics - a bed, mostly, a huge-ass one that even he could fit on comfortably - before he flew back to Texas. The rest could wait until he moved back up there.

* * *

It hadn't been easy to arrange for Sandy and him to surprise Jensen at his play, but with a little help from Danneel, they managed to organize it. When Jensen called his cell during the break, sounding absolutely shocked but at the same time thrilled, Jared was really glad he'd pulled it off.

Jensen was amazing, and Jared was so proud, watching him. He was the first on his feet to lead the applause at the end, clapping wildly, and all he could see was Jensen's smile, a little bashful, as he took his bow and applauded the other members of the cast.

Meeting up with Jensen and his family afterwards was also awesome. It was fun to watch Jensen be hugged half to death by his mom, and even more awesome to hug him himself. Somehow it felt like it had been ages since they'd seen each other, though he guessed it hadn't really been that long.

"Hey, man, thanks for coming," Jensen said in his ear, low and heartfelt. "I can't believe you're here."

"Like I'd miss it," Jared scoffed. "God, you were awesome, Jensen, seriously. You were amazing up there."

Jensen grinned at him, slow and warm. "Thanks, Jared. From you, that means a lot."

Jensen's family took off fairly early, and Jared found himself having dinner with Sandy, Danneel and Jensen. It was fun, a lot of fun, and Jared found himself relaxed and happy and trading stories with Jensen about what he'd been up to. Jensen talked about the play and Jared told him all about the house.

"It was a good night, wasn't it?" he said to Sandy when they finally made it to bed.

Sandy smiled at him. "Yeah, it was a great night."

* * *

"Wow," Jensen said, staring around at the house, before Harley and Sadie came bounding up, barking wildly with excitement, and almost knocked him to the floor. "Whoa! Hey, guys, I know, it's been a while, huh? Yeah, it's good to see you again too. Yes, I see you, Sadie, good girl -"

Jared managed to stop laughing long enough to snap a photo with his cell, and then reluctantly coaxed his dogs away from Jensen. "Come on, I know you're happy to see him again, but let Jensen take a look around, okay?"

He gave Jensen the grand tour, and Jensen was gratifyingly enthusiastic, admiring the kitchen and the size of the master bedroom, and the general layout.

"It's real nice, Jared," he said finally. "But you're gonna need more furniture than this, man."

"You think so?" Jared said. "I kinda thought I might just stack up cardboard boxes, use them instead."

Jensen laughed. "Still, I guess if you've got a bed, that's the main thing."

"My bed is _awesome_," Jared informed him. "And now you're here to help me cart things around..."

Jensen groaned dramatically, flinging a hand up to cover his eyes, and Jared laughed at him.

But with Jensen and Sandy's help, Jared managed to get at least the basics sorted out before shooting began. The guest rooms he left for last, save for a futon in case Jensen ended up staying over soon - which was likely, particularly if Jared roped him into helping him paint the living room - but he dealt with the master bedroom and living room and the kitchen, at least. It was still looking a bit sparse, but Jared guessed that was just a matter of time.

Jensen evidently agreed, because he turned up on the last day before shooting began with a small box.

"What the hell?" Jared asked, opening it.

"House-warming gift," Jensen said, grinning.

"Oh. My. _God_," Jared said, staring at what had to be the tackiest, most hideous snowglobe he'd ever seen. "TEXAS" it said in huge letters on the base, with the state flag and an armadillo. Inside the globe itself was the Texas Cowboy, staring out at him from a mist of glittery snow. "Oh my _god_, dude."

Jensen had cracked up at the expression on his face. "I know, I know! But when I saw it, I knew you would love it. It's like - a reminder of home." He couldn't even keep a straight expression as he said it, dissolving into laughter again.

"Dude," Jared said again, unable to take his eyes off it. He very carefully set it down next to the Vancouver snowglobe Jensen had given him almost two years ago now, and stared at them side by side. "Wow."

Jensen was still laughing. "Okay, okay, I got you a real house-warming present too. Here." He pulled out a much larger box from where it had been hidden behind the sofa.

The real gift was very cool - a large flat-screen tv, perfect for watching movies or playing games on. They set it up in the living room together and had a celebratory ass-kicking game of Madden before calling it a night.

Weirdly, though, it was the snowglobe Jared found himself turning back to once Jensen was gone. It was hideous, no doubt about it, and the sheer level of stereotypical tackiness meant it was never going to call up fond memories of home, because it had nothing to do with the Texas he knew. But that didn't mean it didn't have good associations for him anyway.

He picked it up and shook it to make the glittery snow swirl about.


	3. Chapter 3

Season three. Wow, it was hard to believe.

Jared swept the make-up artists up into a hug, one after the other. It was good to see people again; it was amazing how much he'd missed everyone over hiatus. The first day passed in a rush of catching up with them all and hearing what they'd been up to over the past few months.

Someone had stocked up on gummi-worms and jelly beans for him, in two giant tubs in the make-up trailer. Jared shoveled them into his mouth with a contented sigh. Some days, life was good.

* * *

Sandy came up to stay for a couple of weeks at the end of the summer. Her role in the episode would probably only take one day to shoot, but she and Jared were both beyond eager for the excuse to spend some time together.

It was amazing having Sandy staying in his house. They'd never officially lived together, even though when he'd gone back to L.A. in the past couple of years, it had always been her place he'd crashed at. Even now, it wasn't quite like _living together_ \- the house was Jared's, the furniture was too, and Sandy didn't know the neighborhood yet. But two weeks was a long time, longer than they'd managed to spend together at any time outside of hiatus in the past few years. Two weeks of falling asleep in the same bed and waking up together in the mornings, two weeks of showering together and eating dinner together...

Sandy was nervous about her role, so they practiced the scene together a few times. Normally Sandy didn't like practicing for roles with him - it made her feel self-conscious, she always said, though as far as Jared was concerned, she had no reason to be - but since they would be performing it together, it made a lot of sense.

"I just want it to be perfect," Sandy said anxiously, looking over the script again, though Jared figured she had to have the entire episode memorized by now, not just her own lines.

"It'll be perfect," Jared reassured her, tucking her hair behind her ear. "_You're_ perfect. Honestly, baby, I'm not just saying that."

"It's a big deal, though," Sandy said. "I really just want to get it right for all of you. Especially you."

Jared kissed her. "You will. You're going to be awesome, Sandy."

"You're biased, though," Sandy said, giving him a smile of appreciation for his efforts nonetheless.

"Tell you what," Jared said, "if you're that worried, we could invite Jensen over for dinner tonight. He can give an unbiased opinion of us both and give us a few tips. What do you think?"

Sandy hesitated for a moment, but nodded. "I guess it's a good idea. I just get nervous, you know?"

Jared hugged her. "You know Jensen, though. You don't need to be nervous of him, he adores you." Jensen really did, he knew. He'd sent her birthday and Christmas presents for the past year or two. Jared was glad - they were both family, and it was good that they got along so well.

Jensen sounded a little uncertain when Jared invited him over for dinner, but Jared knew him well enough to recognize it as the kind of uncertainty that came from not wanting to intrude on his and Sandy's alone time, not any lack of interest. When Jared explained that Sandy needed some reassurance from a more neutral source, Jensen was immediately enthusiastic.

"Hey, man," Jared said, welcoming him in the doorway and pulling him into a quick hug. "You bring the beer?"

"Of course I brought the beer," Jensen said, pulling back and pressing it against Jared's chest. "Hey, Sandy, good to see you again." He swept her into a hug too.

"Hi, Jensen," Sandy said, smiling as if she'd forgotten her nervousness. "You're looking good."

Jensen laughed. "I got a sane number of hours' sleep last night. But just wait until you see me mid-week."

They set about cooking dinner, chatting and kidding around. Jared ducked out of the kitchen for a moment to grab some more beer, grinning at the sound of their voices behind him, as Jensen laughed at some joke Sandy was telling.

"Does Jared even _own_ a grater?" he heard Sandy ask as he returned, her voice fond and exasperated.

"Cabinet over there, with the candles," Jensen told her. "Don't ask me why it's there, I don't pretend to understand how his mind works."

"Nobody understands how his mind works," Sandy grumbled good-naturedly.

"That's because I'm a genius," Jared told her, setting down the beer and stealing a quick kiss.

"That's because you're out of your mind," Jensen corrected him, and snagged a beer. Jared swatted his arm, then went to grab the onions from the fridge.

After dinner, Jensen got them to run through their scene a couple of times, and offered his advice. Sandy seemed more confident by the time they finished up, Jensen's words of encouragement evidently having made an impression. Jared was glad. He loved her for being so determined that everything should be perfect, just because this was his show, and so it was important to her, too - but he knew she'd do a great job; there was no need for her to be so stressed about it.

Jensen clapped him on the shoulder, and kissed Sandy on the cheek as he left.

* * *

The writers' strike wasn't exactly unexpected; it had been coming for a long while, but Jared had still somehow hoped that things might be resolved at the eleventh hour to prevent it. He was at one and the same time supportive of the strike's aims, and nervous about the possible consequences. They'd gotten through the last few episodes that had been written before the strike began, but production was going to have to halt in a day or two, and there was no way to know for certain whether Supernatural would be brought back whenever the strike finally ended. And what was going to happen to the crew?

"What are you going to do?" he asked Jensen.

Jensen shrugged. "Have a break, I guess. It doesn't seem like there'll be much chance to work or anything. Though maybe they'll get us to do some promotional stuff."

In the end, it turned out to be a pretty nice break, though it would have been nicer if they'd had the security of knowing when and how it was going to end. Jared managed to land a role in the new _Friday The Thirteenth_ movie that was due to start shooting when the hiatus would normally be - assuming hiatus wound up being at the normal time, and the strike was over by then so the script could be finished properly.

The strike had made him think, though, about all sorts of things. How things could be taken away, even if you didn't want them to be. That you never knew what was waiting around the corner.

Things had been kind of tough for Sandy and him this season so far. He wasn't sure what exactly the cause was - whether it all went back to that conversation when he'd told her he was selling his apartment in L.A., whether he'd fucked that up more than he'd realized. He didn't think so, though. Mostly it was just the distance messing with them. And the fact that they were both busy as hell - Jared had only managed to make it down to L.A. once before the strike began, and other than her visit to shoot the episode she'd appeared in, Sandy had only made it up once as well. Jared didn't hold that against her, just as he knew she didn't hold his rare visits against him. But still... But still, although Sandy's longer visit had been awesome, it had also brought home to them both what they were missing. Much though Jared had enjoyed every moment of it, when she'd left, he'd damn near gone to pieces.

So the really awesome part of the strike was being able to spend more time with Sandy, even take her to Europe. And it was good to be with her again, to hold her in his arms and hear her laughter.

It wasn't until they reached Paris that Jared realized what he wanted to do.

It was worth the trouble of finding a ring when Sandy flung her arms around him and whispered "Yes, _Jared_, god yes" in his ear.

* * *

It wasn't even quite six months later that Sandy looked at him, her face broken open with sadness, and asked, "What are we doing, Jared?"

And the thing was - the worst thing was, he still loved her. He was still _in_ love with her, and that hadn't changed. But the very worst thing of all was that he knew she was right. The fact that they still loved each other wasn't enough any more - probably hadn't been for a while, if he'd been honest enough with himself to admit it. They'd tried to keep going because they'd both wanted it to work out, but... it hadn't. He didn't want to think about how much his proposal had been a desperate effort to hold on, to somehow make things right again.

They hugged for a long time before he walked out the door. Jared thought for a dazed moment about finding a hotel room, but that was really the last thing he could face right then, and instead he found himself a flight back to Vancouver.

The flight itself was a blur. Nothing made much sense until he realized he was on the phone to Jensen, and Jensen was cursing softly under his breath and then said, "Oh, fuck, Jared. Man. I'm so sorry."

It was only then that Jared tasted the salt of the tears in his mouth.

* * *

The next few days remained a blur. Jensen called him constantly in breaks between filming, sometimes not even to say anything, just to sit in silence. Jared knew that if there had been any way Jensen could escape his shoot for a few days, he would have been there, and it was a comforting thought as he wandered around his empty house.

His family, when he finally got it together enough to let them know, were equally frantic. His mom had seemed set on jumping on the next plane to Vancouver until Jared had remembered that he was going to be back in Texas at the weekend anyway for a fan convention. When he promised to come home after that, she finally relented.

The thought of the convention made him shudder. He always had a great time, normally, but this time he was going to have to stand up there and tell them about Sandy, and he really didn't know if he could do it. God, he wished Jensen had been able to get out of filming for long enough to come too, but he'd been forced to cancel a while back, and Jared knew there was no chance.

Things got worse when his agent called to tell him of the rumors circulating - that he'd cheated on Sandy, that he'd done all kinds of shitty things he didn't even want to think about. Jared hung up before he could suggest any kind of _strategy_. It might be his agent's job, but Jared wasn't ready to deal with this from that perspective, as something to be _managed_, not yet.

The phone rang again five minutes later. Jared ignored it, let it join the white noise clogging up his head. Then he retreated to the bathroom and stood under the shower spray, blind to everything, until the water ran cold enough to make an impression and force him out again.

"I spoke to Sandy," Jensen said at some point in the course of that week; Jared was a bit hazy on the days.

It wasn't a surprise, Jared told himself. Sandy and Jensen were friends too, after all. "How is she?"

"She sounds about the same as you do," Jensen said. "A couple of her friends are staying with her at the moment, though. She's not alone."

Jared breathed out slowly. He'd been worried about that, in the back of his mind. "Good."

"She also asked me to tell you she's been in touch with one of her fan sites, to make clear none of the other rumors are true," Jensen told him steadily. "So hopefully that should make this weekend a bit easier."

Jared shook his head mutely and bent forward to rest his forehead against the table. He should have known she would do something like that. That was his Sandy, all right.

_Not any more_.

* * *

At some point - after the convention, after just about every member of Jensen's family turned up to give him a hug and make sure he wasn't alone, after listening to Jensen's voice on the phone before and after and during the whole thing, after making the announcement, after going home and feeling his momma's arms around him - the numb state in which the entire world seemed like white noise broke, and everything snapped into inescapable clarity.

It was over. It was really over. And even though he knew it was the right decision for both of them, even though he knew it had been coming for a while and had probably been delayed for longer than was smart... it still fucking hurt.

He was in his old bedroom in his parents' house, taking a breather from his mother's overpowering concern, when he heard voices at the front door - _Yes, he's upstairs, second door on the left, it's great to see you again _\- and sat up, frowning.

Jensen walked in without knocking and immediately pulled him into a hug.

Jared couldn't find his voice to ask what Jensen was _doing_ there, how he'd managed to arrange for the time off, anything; just lowered his head to bury his face against Jensen's shoulder, and let it all go.

* * *

The weirdest part, Jared realized at some point during his trip to Australia, was how nothing was any different, really.

He almost forgot, sometimes. He was so used to Sandy being a long way away that it was easy to put it out of his mind and focus on other things instead. And then every so often something would happen to remind him, and it would hit him all over again. But most of the time, nothing was different.

He called her from Australia, and she sounded just as happy to hear from him as she always did.

"It was the right decision, wasn't it," he said, after a while. It wasn't really a question.

Sandy sighed. "It was. I might wish it hadn't been, but it was. And you're doing okay, aren't you?"

Jared thought about it, and was sad to realize it was the truth. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am. That - god, that feels so wrong."

Sandy chuckled sadly. "No, I know what you mean. Me too. It's okay, Jared. We're going to be okay."

Jared held onto that when they hung up, and for the rest of his time in Australia.

At the airport he bought a postcard, wrote _Miss you_ and sent it to her. Then he bought a tacky snowglobe with a little model of Sydney Opera House in it for Jensen.

* * *

"He's kicking you out? Seriously?"

Jensen groaned and tipped his head back to rest on the back of the sofa. "Well, he mentioned he was thinking of selling a while back, but I didn't realize he was that serious about it, and with one thing and another I kinda just forgot about it. I don't blame him, though, it's not like he's working up here anymore."

"We start shooting in, like, four days," Jared pointed out. "When do you need to be out?"

Jensen grimaced. "A couple of weeks. But once shooting starts, I'm never going to have time to look for somewhere. I'm thinking of just moving back into the hotel I was in before, I was fairly settled there."

Jared tilted his head to look at him, and thought about Jensen moving back into the hotel suite, putting half his stuff back in storage. He knew Jensen wouldn't really be that bothered about it - he'd only moved into the apartment as a favor to the friend he'd been renting it from, and that had been less than a year ago - but it bothered _him_.

"Move in here," he heard himself saying before he realized he was going to.

Jensen blinked at him, and Jared said, "Well, it makes sense, man. This place is way too big for just me, I still haven't done anything with most of the rooms. You can crash here until you find another place, it's got to be better than the hotel, right?"

"I can't do that," Jensen protested. "Dude, this is your home -"

Jared couldn't help laughing a little at that, because he'd never thought of it that way, for some reason. His _house_, yes, but his _home_?

"Seriously, Jensen," he said. "It'd be cool. I mean, the kind of hours we work, it's not like we'd be spending that much time here anyway, right? We could have fun. I could kick your ass at Madden in the middle of the night."

Jensen still looked uncertain, like he was about to refuse out of some kind of politeness. Jared was surprised by how much he wanted this, suddenly, even though he hadn't considered it before, so he added, "Besides, I wouldn't mind the company."

Jensen looked at him sharply, and Jared forced himself to meet his gaze. He knew Jensen was probably assuming this was something to do with his break-up with Sandy, and hell, maybe on some level it was, but mostly it was just the feeling that it would be wrong for Jensen to move back into a hotel. Jared wanted him there.

"Okay," Jensen said finally. "Thanks, man."

Jared grinned, and let Jensen assume whatever he wanted to assume.

* * *

Having Jensen as a roommate was working out pretty well. With them both being on much the same schedule and knowing what each other's day had been like, they had a good idea of when the other needed space. Most of the time they just had fun hanging out together, though. Sometimes they just collapsed in the living room and put a dvd on, or if they were feeling a bit more energetic, they had epic games tournaments against each other. Sometimes they cooked together, sometimes they ordered in.

A lot of the time they'd just sit together, running lines or talking about anything and nothing.

It was comfortable, more so than Jared had even expected when he'd suggested it.

"Come on, man," he announced, barging into Jensen's room. "Get your lazy ass out of bed, we're going for a run."

Jensen blinked up at him, then groaned and threw an arm over his eyes. "Oh my god, get out of here, you sadistic asshole."

"Oh no," Jared told him firmly. "Come on. You've got two minutes to get up before I send Sadie in here for a drool attack."

He glanced around while waiting for Jensen to concede defeat and get up. There were still boxes stacked in every corner, and Jensen was sleeping on a futon. Or, currently, pretending to sleep.

"Come on," he said, and grabbed Jensen's arm, hauling him up to a sitting position. Jensen's hair was sticking up every which way, and Jared couldn't stop grinning at it. "We're going for a run, and then breakfast, and then we're going to buy you a real bed."

"What?" Jensen asked, still looking half-asleep and confused. "But -"

"Dude," Jared said. "It's been a month. And it's going good, isn't it? Let's just... do it right. Okay?"

Jensen blinked at him, then scrubbed a hand over his face and nodded. "Okay. A bed. What the hell."

"And maybe some shelves for you to put your pretty little snowglobes on," Jared added, and backed out of the room, laughing, as Jensen's pillow narrowly missed hitting him in the face.

* * *

They got more than just the bed and the shelves, in the end. Jared convinced Jensen to get a few more pieces of furniture too, and gave him a hand unpacking his boxes and making his room look more like a place where he was really living than a squat.

"Seriously, though," Jensen said over dinner that night. "This is your place, Jared. I just don't want to..."

Jared sighed and buried his face in his hands. "Dude, I told you. This is your place now too. It's _our_ place."

"Yeah, but -" Jensen argued.

"No buts," Jared told him. "I'm serious, man. I don't want you to feel like this is my place and I'm just letting your crash here for now, okay? I want it to be your place too." He paused, suddenly uncertain. "I mean, unless you _want_ to find another place on your own. I could get that, you know -"

"Jared," Jensen interrupted. "I don't want to move out."

Jared looked at him for a moment, then nodded. "Okay. Then seriously, let's just - let's do it right, okay? You get downstairs, I get upstairs, we share the kitchen and the living room and everything, and - we should put your name on the mortgage, so it's right, okay?"

"Okay," Jensen said. "Okay."

* * *

It was really weird, getting involved with someone who wasn't Sandy.

Gen was an awesome girl, and Jared was definitely attracted to her, but he knew damn well that if he'd still been with Sandy he'd never have given her a second glance, and that was a weird feeling.

"I don't know if I'm ready," he admitted to Jensen one night.

They were slumped on the couch in the living room, lights turned down, the remains of their pizza in the boxes on the coffee table. Jared knew he ought to get up and go to bed - they had work in the morning, and he needed the sleep - but he didn't want to move just yet.

"You're the only one who can decide that," Jensen told him. "No one's forcing you, man. It's hasn't been that long."

"Yeah, I know," Jared said. "Gen's a great girl, though. I do like her. Just..."

Jensen sighed. "You want my advice? Level with her. Tell her how you're feeling about the whole thing and let _her_ decide what she wants."

Jared thought about it. "Maybe you're right."

"I'm always right," Jensen informed him, his tone so close to Dean's that Jared couldn't suppress a Sam-like eyeroll of amused exasperation.

Talking to Gen went well, though, better than he'd hoped for, and Jared found himself tentatively stepping into something that could sort of be considered a relationship.

He called Sandy, to warn her - it was bound to get out sooner rather than later, and he didn't want her finding out through a gossip site or a newspaper. And also because he couldn't help but feel guilty about it.

"Oh, Jared," Sandy sighed. "It's okay. I mean... yes, I feel a bit... but I get it."

"It's not serious," Jared told her. "We're keeping it really casual. I'm not... I'm not anywhere near ready for anything serious. But I still wanted you to know."

"Thank you," Sandy said, and he could hear the genuine affection in her voice. "Now tell me how season four's going so far."

* * *

Now the living arrangements were properly finalized and agreed on, Jensen seemed to feel happier about making the rooms on the lower floor his own. Jared was pleased when he bought some more furniture and even painted the walls in one room.

When Jensen was away one weekend, visiting Danneel, Jared snuck into his room and found the box with all his snowglobes. Jensen still hadn't gotten around to unpacking them.

He set them all up in the living room, mixed in with the couple that Jensen had given him, and nodded with satisfaction when he got them all positioned just so.

Jensen's face when he got back and saw them was the best thing _ever_.

* * *

"I'm surprised you two haven't killed each other yet," Gen said.

They were making dinner, the four of them - Danneel was visiting for the weekend. For a minute, Jared honestly thought she was referring to Jensen and Danneel, until she raised her eyebrows at him and he realized - huh.

"We get it all out of our systems by trouncing each other on the Playstation," Jensen joked. "Or at least, I do - I don't know about Jared, it's not like he manages to beat me all that often..."

"Oh, you are _so_ going down later on," Jared promised him.

Gen laughed, but continued, "Seriously, though. I mean, I know the hours you guys work. After that, I could _not_ go home and hang out with the same person, you know? I would go insane."

Jared shrugged, feeling oddly self-conscious, and chanced a glance at Jensen, who was looking right at him, a similarly odd expression in his eyes.

"I don't know," Jared said finally. "It just works. It's cool."

"We like hanging out together," Jensen added. "So it's all good."

"Just as well, or your show would be in real trouble by now," Danneel joked. "Hey, pass me that knife, Gen?"

There was a moment of confusion as both Jensen and Gen tried to follow her instruction, and in the laughter that followed, the topic was forgotten. But Jared found himself weirdly conscious of Jensen for the rest of the evening, and caught a strange look in Jensen's eye from time to time.

* * *

"Eric spoke to me today," Gen said one evening.

It was late March; Jared was exhausted from shooting the last couple of episodes prior to the season finale. Everyone had been working flat-out for weeks. The exhaustion was probably why he didn't pick up on her tone of voice immediately. "Yeah?" was all he said.

"Yeah," Gen said, and paused before going on, "they've decided that if they get a fifth season, they're not going to bring me back as Ruby - either kill the character off or have a new actress play her again."

Jared blinked and felt himself suddenly become much more awake. "Wait - seriously?"

Gen shrugged. "Yeah. He was really nice about it, though - said he liked what I'd done with the character and all, but he just wants to keep mixing things up a bit."

"Wow," Jared said. He'd known it was a possibility, of course, in the same way just about everyone other than Jensen and him were up for discussion. But he hadn't actually thought about it at all in practice. "Wow, I'm sorry."

"Nah, don't be," Gen reassured him, smiling. "I mean, it's been a blast, but I'm ready to move on to a new project, really. Plus a few of your fans can be a bit scary sometimes."

Jared snorted. "Even so... I'm sorry."

"It's cool," Gen said. "It was more the other thing that I wanted to talk to you about." She paused, and then smiled. "But we don't really need to have some kind of tortured 'we need to talk' discussion, do we? We're both on the same page, here."

Jared smiled, feeling a rush of affection for her. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Good," Gen said, and pecked him on the cheek. "I mean it, though. It's been a blast."

Jared hugged her and saw her to the front door, then closed it and waited in case a wave of depression was just waiting to hit him. But it didn't seem to be. He and Gen had had a blast, yeah, but they'd always been closer to friends with benefits than anything else. He wasn't sure yet how he felt about her leaving, but... it would be okay.

"Everything okay?" Jensen asked, appearing in the doorway to his room.

Jared looked at him, then nodded. He wasn't ready to talk about it yet, not even to Jensen, not until he figured out himself what he was feeling. But Jensen's company was always a good thing. "Yeah. You up for for getting your ass kicked?"

"Bring it," Jensen scoffed, eyes oddly intent.

Jared smiled, and clapped him on the shoulder as he led the way through to the living room.

* * *

"So, what are your plans for hiatus?" Jensen asked him.

"Sleeping," Jared said with feeling, slumping over so his head was resting on Jensen's shoulder to prove the point.

Jensen laughed at him, reaching up to ruffle his hair. "Why am I not surprised."

Jared elbowed him half-heartedly, but couldn't really be bothered to raise his head again. "Yeah, well. I feel like I've earned a summer off, you know? Might as well make the most of it. How about you?"

"Same here," Jensen admitted.

"Seriously?" Jared said with surprise. Jensen had always worked for at least part of hiatus each year.

Jensen laughed at his surprise. "Yeah, well. I could use a break. Might be nice to hang out here for a few months."

"Huh," Jared said. Even though he was surprised, he couldn't quite seem to keep his eyes open. "Cool."

"Are you actually falling asleep?" was the last thing he remembered hearing.

* * *

Hiatus was _awesome_.

Jared didn't spend the whole three months in Vancouver, of course. He went to L.A. for a few days and caught up with Sandy and some of his other friends. Sandy had a new guy in her life, and though she said it wasn't too serious yet, her eyes were sparkling again in that way he'd always loved. Jared would have been lying if he'd said he didn't feel a pang at that, but that was all it was. And he was happy to see her so happy.

He spent a couple of weeks back in Texas, visiting his family. It was great seeing everyone again, though he found himself calling Jensen every day, making him tell about every detail of his day and what he and the dogs had gotten up to in his absence.

"Honey, I'm home!" he yelled when he arrived back from his trip. He was surprised to realize just how happy he was to be home. The dogs rushed to meet him, and he grinned and let them give him a proper welcome home. "Jensen? You around?"

"Kitchen!" Jensen called.

Sure enough, when Jared wandered through to the kitchen, Jensen was sitting at the table, finishing a plate of pasta. He smiled when he saw Jared. "Hey, welcome back. Good flight?"

"Fine," Jared said, giving him a quick hug. "That smells good."

"You're in luck, I made enough for both of us," Jensen informed him.

"Awesome," Jared said happily, and set about reheating it. "So, did I miss anything important while I was gone?"

"Um," Jensen said. "Well, kind of." He hesitated and went on, "Danneel and I decided to call it quits."

Jared almost dropped his plate, but managed to set it down on the table just in time. "Holy shit. Oh my god, Jensen."

"It's okay," Jensen said, giving him a half-smile. "I'm okay."

"Dude. Jensen," Jared said again. "What happened? I thought you two were doing great."

"We were," Jensen said, and shrugged. "It just... it didn't happen overnight. There wasn't some big falling out or anything. We just realized that it wasn't what we wanted any more."

"I'm sorry," Jared said.

Jensen shook his head. "Don't be. We're both okay, really. And maybe now we'll find something... more." He gave Jared an enigmatic half-smile, and nodded at his plate. "Your pasta's getting cold again."

* * *

Jared had half-expected Jensen to be depressed once it really hit him, but it didn't seem to happen. Jensen was occasionally quieter than usual for the remainder of hiatus and as the fifth season started, but nothing major.

He called Danneel and was reassured to find that she seemed just as okay as Jensen did - a little sad at the relationship ending, but okay.

"I wasn't what he wanted any more," she said quietly. "And Jensen's amazing, you know that as well as I do, but... he wasn't really what I wanted any more, either. We're better off as friends. And I wish him all the best, really, Jared. I just want him to be happy."

Jared frowned a little. He had the feeling she was trying to say something to him without coming right out with it. "Yeah. I hope you're happy too, Danneel. I'm going to miss having you around here."

Danneel laughed a little. "Yeah. Look me up sometime when you're in L.A., okay? I don't want to lose touch with either of you."

* * *

Shooting the fifth and final season was stressful as hell. Knowing that this was the last time, no takebacks, no do-overs, made them all determined to get every scene and every episode as perfect as possible. Jared and Jensen were working more hours than ever before, and the entire crew with them. It was immensely satisfying, though, how smoothly everything was running these days. Everyone was like a huge family. The way everyone worked together, helped each other out... it was something special.

It was hard to believe that in less than nine months, it would all be over. For good.

Jared had a feeling he ought to be thinking about what would come after - start lining up projects, seeing if he could find any good movie roles being discussed. For some reason, though, all he could think about was the house.

It was kind of stupid. He'd only bought the damn place a couple of years back, and the whole point of it had been to have a decent place to stay for the rest of Supernatural. It wasn't like he'd ever planned on keeping the place on once the show ended.

And okay, it was a pretty nice house these days. Neither he nor Jensen were ever going to be the next Martha Stewart, but they'd gotten the place fixed up. His bed dipped in just the right place when he was lying on it. The table in the kitchen looked out over the back yard - they'd even managed to grow a couple of plants out there this year. The shelves with all the stupid snowglobes were still set up in the living room.

It was comfortable, that was all. Familiar. And the thought of having to sell the place at the end of April and wave goodbye to all of it... It just felt _wrong_.

"What?" Jensen asked him, and Jared realized he'd spent the past few minutes just staring at Jensen as he drink a glass of water next to the window.

"Nothing," he said hastily.

Jensen raised his eyebrows, and Jared hurriedly found something else for them to talk about.

He wasn't ready to talk about it with Jensen, not yet. Jensen hadn't given any sign that he'd been thinking about the house at all. Which Jared could understand - it wasn't even Christmas yet, the end of the series was still months away. There was no reason why Jensen should be thinking about it. There was no reason why _Jared_ should be thinking about it.

He didn't think it would be too much of a problem, if he wanted to keep the house on and Jensen didn't. He'd bought it by himself originally. They could sort the mortgage out, surely. It would be really weird having the bottom floor empty when Jensen moved out, but he'd managed before, and surely he'd get used to it again.

"Jared, seriously," Jensen said, and Jared blinked, caught off-guard to find Jensen suddenly right in front of him, eyes narrow with concern.

"Sorry," Jared said, shaking himself. "I think I'm just tired."

Jensen put a hand on his shoulder, rubbing his thumb back and forth reassuringly. "You know if there's something wrong you can talk to me, right?"

"Yeah," Jared said at once, because he did. He just wasn't ready to talk about how stupid he felt about the house yet, not even to Jensen. Especially not to Jensen.

Jensen nodded, then let his hand fall. "Maybe you should get some sleep, then."

"Yeah," Jared said again, and managed a grin as he retreated to his bedroom.

Lying in bed and gazing up at the ceiling, he did his best to forget about the house and concentrate on the way Jensen had touched his shoulder instead. It was going to be okay, he told himself. Somehow, things would work out.

* * *

Christmas that year was weird.

Jared couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. He was home, with his family around him, and the house was as full of Christmas awesomeness as it had been every year in the past. But for some reason, Jared was feeling... itchy. Like something he couldn't pin down was wrong.

It wasn't until Christmas Eve that he realized that at least part of it was that he missed his house in Vancouver.

It was so weird: he'd never really missed his apartment in L.A. when he wasn't there. Texas was his home, he had his family around him: why on earth would he miss his house? But for some reason he did. He missed his own bed, all the dips molded just the way he liked them. He missed the view from the kitchen window and Jensen clapping him on the back as he grabbed them both beers.

He called Jensen, like he had done every day, and said, "I think I miss our house."

Jensen was silent for a second before he said, "I know what you mean."

"It's stupid," Jared said, almost annoyed at himself. "I hardly ever get to see my family these days. I ought to be enjoying every goddamn second. What does it say about me that I kind of wish I was back in Vancouver right now?"

Jensen huffed a soft laugh in his ear. "Hey, Jared?"

"I mean, there's got to be something wrong with me," Jared continued, still caught up in his confusion. "That -"

"_Jared_," Jensen said, firmly enough to finally shut Jared up. "Get your ass downstairs and let me in."

Jared blinked, and then blinked again, and then shot over to the window to stare down in shock at the street. Where Jensen was standing, cell pressed to his ear, looking right up at him.

"Holy shit," Jared said aloud, and then he was running down the stairs, laughing aloud as he burst out the front door and tugged Jensen into a hug. "Oh my god, I can't believe you're here!"

Jensen hugged him back, laughing a little himself. "Figured I'd drop by for a visit, wish you and your family a merry Christmas."

"Oh my god," Jared said again, and pulled Jensen into the house.

For some reason, after that he didn't find himself thinking longingly of the house in Vancouver as much; he simply settled down to really enjoy a family Christmas again.

* * *

"Jared," Jensen demanded, "what is your problem?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jared muttered, but he could hear the defensiveness in his own voice.

"Don't you even try that," Jensen said, exasperated. "You've been like this for months now. What's going on?"

Jared sighed. He supposed they were going to have to have this conversation sooner or later, though he'd been hoping for later. They'd been back in Vancouver for a week, following the Christmas hiatus, and though he was happy to be back, it hadn't helped. If anything, the realization of just how happy he was to be back was making him all the more aware that it would be coming to an end in just a few months.

"It's the house," he admitted finally.

"The house?" Jensen repeated. He came to sit down next to Jared on the couch, frowning a little. "What about the house?"

Jared rubbed at his forehead. "I've been thinking about what's going to happen to the house at the end of the season. It's been worrying me."

Jensen nodded slowly. "Oooh-kay. Talk to me."

"Well, everything's gonna change," Jared said helplessly. "It's all gonna come to an end, you know? And I like things how they are. I don't want to lose it all. I like being able to sit in the kitchen and watch you play with the dogs in the back yard, and sitting on our couch and watching tv, or kicking your ass at Madden, and cooking dinner in our kitchen. I like knowing if I get up for a glass of water in the night you'll probably come and join me. I like going out for a run and coming back before your lazy ass has gotten out of the shower. I like our shelf with the stupid snowglobes. I just -"

He was cut off by Jensen's mouth pressing against his.

Jared flailed for a moment in shock before Jensen pulled back, his eyes intent, and said, "I really hope this isn't where you tell me you really were only thinking about the house."

"Uh," Jared said intelligently. His mind seemed to have frozen up.

"Because I've been thinking the same kind of thing, these past few months," Jensen went on. "Only it isn't the _house_ I'm worried about losing when the show ends."

Jared ran that through his mind again, and then replayed what _he'd_ said, and felt a lot of things finally click into place. "Oh."

Jensen raised an eyebrow. Suddenly he was starting to look nervous. "Oh?"

"It's not the house," Jared said, and reached for him.


	4. Epilogue

Jared fumbled with the keys in the lock. It had been a hard day of shooting on his new movie, and even if it hadn't been quite as long a day as he'd regularly pulled when working on Supernatural, it had been long enough. He was ready to crash.

The dogs rushed him the moment he got inside the door, of course, but they'd clearly been fed already, because they trotted back off to lie down again a moment later. Jared shrugged out of his jacket and hung it up, and narrowly avoided tripping over a box in the dark. "Shit."

"Watch the boxes out there," Jensen called out.

Jared wasn't entirely sure how there could still be boxes that hadn't found a permanent home yet: it had been over a week since he and Jensen had moved into their new house in the suburbs of L.A., and it felt like they'd done nothing but work, sleep and unpack since then. He was glad it was the weekend now. The house still had its rough corners, but things were starting to fall into place.

"Where are you?" he called back.

"Living room," Jensen answered.

Jared picked his way carefully along to the living room, and found Jensen unpacking a box of books and transferring them to the bookcase. There was a smudge of dust on his cheek.

"Hey," Jensen said, smiling warm and slow, and reaching out to pull him into a kiss. "Welcome home," he added when they finally broke apart again, already breathing faster.

"Mmmm," Jared hummed. "I like the sound of that." He began steering Jensen towards the couch, leaning in for another kiss as he did so, only to trip over another box and send them careening against a wall instead.

"Smooth, Padalecki," Jensen said breathlessly, pinned between him and the wall. "Real smooth."

Jared shut him up by kissing him again.

He still couldn't quite believe that Jensen was there, that Jensen was going to keep on being there. Saying goodbye to Supernatural had been hard, and part of him still couldn't quite get his head around the fact that he got to keep _this_, got to keep Jensen. Got to keep them.

He pulled away far enough to look at Jensen properly, then couldn't help laughing a little. At Jensen's indignant "What?" he lowered his head and kissed the patch of skin that was smudged with dust.

"I like this," he told Jensen, murmuring against his skin. "I like coming home and finding you here. I like you unpacking our stuff."

"You'll be unpacking your share at the weekend - _oh_," Jensen said, arching into him as Jared bent down to nuzzle at his neck. "And _I_ like _that_."

Jared grinned and slid lower, working fast to free Jensen from the old clothes he'd been wearing while working on the house, now a little dusty. He kicked one of the boxes to nudge it out of the way.

"Hey, that box has breakables -" Jensen started to protest, but cut off when Jared dropped to his knees.

Jared grinned up at him. "I hope by breakables you don't mean the snowglobes, because I think those could survive just about anything." He leaned forward, nuzzling at Jensen's boxer shorts.

Jensen's breath rushed out of him in a woosh. "_Fuck _the snowglobes, Jared, seriously, just -"

"I've got a better idea," Jared said, and tugged Jensen's shorts out of the way before taking his cock into his mouth.

Jensen groaned, and Jared heard the _thud_ of his head falling back against the wall.

This had been one of the things Jared had struggled with a little at first; the idea of taking a guy's dick in his mouth had taken some getting used to. But feeling Jensen in his mouth, heavy against his tongue, the smell and the taste of him... And most of all the sounds Jensen made, bitten-off little whimpers and moans, the way his hips trembled as he fought not to thrust forward, the way his eyes turned dazed and wondering... Yeah, Jared was really into it these days.

Jensen moaned and touched his head, warning, but Jared kept going, and felt the taste of Jensen explode across his tongue as Jensen moaned again.

He also heard the clatter of a box being knocked over as Jensen reached out to grab something to support himself, but from the sound of things it had only contained books.

He stood up hastily, pressing Jensen against the wall before his lover's knees could give out entirely or he could knock another box over. He kissed Jensen, hard and intent, sharing the taste with him, and Jensen kissed him back, soft and dazed and gorgeous until the kiss sharpened into focus. And then Jensen's hand was closing around his cock, and Jared had to pull back far enough to gasp. He buried his face in the crook of Jensen's neck, mouthing at the skin there, pleased to feel Jensen shudder.

It seemed like no time before he was coming, sagging against Jensen and letting the wall take both of their weight.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what brought that on?" Jensen asked after a moment, running his hand through Jared's hair.

Jared smiled against his skin, listening to Jensen's heartbeat slowing. "Guess I'm just glad to be home."


End file.
